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LOVE, HATE 
AND FRIENDSHIP 



BY 

JULIUS BEGTRUP 



PTTBLISHED BY 

JULIUS BEGTRUP 
187 Halsey Street, Brooklyn, N. Y. 



^F6 



3' 



COPTHIGHT, 1922, BY 

JULIUS BEGTRUP 



Press of 

J. J. Little & Ives Company 

New York, U. S. A. 

DEC 15 '22 

©C1A692413 



^7/ 



PREFACE 

The coordination of all emotions in a synthetic 
system may appear as the climax of psychological 
knowledge; but as yet no evidence of such a system 
has appeared, and its eventual realization may be 
doubted, for the difficulties it presents seem insuper- 
able. In any event it will appear as a primary and 
essential requirement an intimate knowledge of the 
character and nature of each emotion by itself. It 
would first be necessary to obtain a clear definition 
of each emotion, and this would require its separa- 
tion from more or less correlative combinations with 
other emotions. It must also be recognized that 
each emotion may appear — and generally does ap- 
pear — in a weak or diluted state, in which its true 
character becomes indistinct, and it is therefore 
evident that it must be studied in the exalted and 
isolated state in which its true character is most 
clearly exposed. 

It should also be recognized that, in accordance 
with fundamental scientific maxims, all exact knowl- 
edge must be based on observed facts, and not 
merely on intuitive conceptions or intellectual in- 
terpretations of personal experiences. 

While these remarks may be regarded as common- 
place, they may be accepted as a fitting introduction 

ill 



iv PREFACE 

to my attempt at a solution of some of the most in- 
teresting psychological problems. 

I also think it advisable to call the critical reader's 
attention to certain means of correcting or affirming 
psychological propositions and doctrines, which maj'' 
be found in the words and expressions used in com- 
mon language. This is a pertinent proposition, de- 
serving special attention, for each language is a fin- 
ished product of humanity, and no word which does 
not agree with the unconscious psychology of the 
masses can retain its place in the language. No 
equivocal term is used in common language, and 
each term has its own comprehensive meaning, which 
includes only closely related conceptions, and it can- 
not be extended beyond this limit without the ad- 
dition of qualifying or modifying terms or suffixes. 
But the main difficulty in a psychological interpre- 
tation lies in a greatly abbreviated form and un- 
certain etymology. 

It should also be noted that emotions are rooted 
in the inner and subconscious life, and as human lan- 
guage is primarily created as a means for furthering 
conscious activity, and as introspection is a compara- 
tively recent development, a satisfactory interpre- 
tation of the emotional and subconscious mind can- 
not be expected in the absence of suitable or ade- 
quate linguistic symbols and expressions. 

The psychology of emotions can hardly be re- 
garded as amenable to a philosophical treatment, 
while many of its fundamental truths may be veri- 
fied in folk-lore. 



PREFACE y 

The proper sphere of normal psychology is lim- 
ited to an investigation of the human soul, or the 
supersensual part of human nature, and a basic re- 
quirement of such investigation is a comprehensive 
interpretation of the various modes and manners by 
which the human soul has found expression for its 
spiritual, or supersensual, nature — both in the evo- 
lution of historical events and in personal experi- 
ences. But if a comprehensive "science" of psy- 
chology must include fundamental principles beside 
simple psychological facts it may be said that it has 
not appeared yet, and to say that it is still in its 
infancy cannot be true of a science which is not born 
yet ; and as we have no promise of its realization, it 
must remain an open question whether psychology 
is amenable to systematic or scientific treatment. 

Abnormal psychology may, in some cases, offer 
an initiation to the study of normal psychology, but 
the two branches should be kept strictly apart, for 
the normal predicates that part of human nature 
which has become the ruling one in human society 
and agrees with its morality but excludes what is 
inimical or unsuitable to it; and may, therefore, be 
considered as containing the most prominent char- 
acteristics of humanity. 

Sympathy is characteristic of the sympathetic 
emotions, and it distinguishes them from the lower 
or selfish emotions. This is an important propo- 
sition, which apparently has escaped the notice of 
psychologists. But it is only by recognizing its func- 
tion in love that this emotion can be fully under- 



vi PREFACE 

stood and related to other sympathetic emotions. 

A discreet and careful examination of the emo- 
tion of love has not been made from the time of 
Plato to the beginning of the present century, and 
the Socratic discussion of it in the Dialogues is both 
inadequate and deceptive. However, it is not with- 
out psychological interest in view of the fact that 
true love was but little understood in Antiquity and 
that in later ages it was but very imperfectly under- 
stood, and that no conception of true love has ap- 
peared in the evolution of Christian ethics. 

That there is no reason in love — or in any other 
emotion — is a simple truism, and this lack of reason 
makes it unsuited for a philosophical analysis or 
ethical valuation, though it may be regarded as one 
of the most interesting themes in psychology. 

All morality is founded on the human emotions, 
and in the course of social progress they have become 
subservient to morality. But an emotion cannot as- 
sume a moral character, and even the sympathetic 
emotions cannot be moralized. From the viewpoint 
of advanced psychology the elemental emotions or 
passions are fundamental and immutable, though 
they may be curbed and modified, while religion 
and morality are but intermediate means to an end 
unknown. 

Two excellent works on Sexual Love and the erotic 
emotion have appeared in the present century, but 
they do not entirely agree with my conception of it, 
and to do justice to the authors my critique would 
require a space quite out of proportion to the rest 



PREFACE vii 

of my articles. I shall therefore confine my polemic 
remarks to a short critique of the Socratic discus- 
sion of Love in Plato's Symposium.* Dr. Sigmund 
Freud has made a thorough investigation of the sex- 
ual instinct, but in his works there are but very few 
references to Love, and they do not offer any help 
to an investigator of that emotion. 

It is of course of vital concern to any author that 
his work shall be appreciated by intelligent and cul- 
tured persons, and I hope that my venture on the 
field of psychology will be found worthy of serious 
consideration. But I also think that discriminat- 
ing and progressive educators may find some valu- 
able suggestions in this little book. I do not lay 
special claim to new ideas and originality, but I shall 
be pleased and feel a great satisfaction when my 
work is characterized by some philosopher as "con- 
structive" and it will not displease me if I be dubbed 
a Realist. 

J. B. 

Brooklyn, N. Y. 
March, 1922. 

♦The works referred to here are: "Love and Marriage" by 
Ellen Key and "Eros" by Emil Lueka. 



CONTENTS 

PAOBS 

Preface iii-vii 

The Nature and True Character of Love 1-70 

Hate and Hatred 71-90 

Friendship and Friendliness . ., . 91-99 



LOVE, HATE 
AND FRIENDSHIP 

THE NATURE AND TRUE CHARACTER 
OF LOVE 

SEEN FROM A PRAGMATIC VIEWPOINT 

Love in Common Language. The origint^l con- 
ception of love was undoubtedly confined to human 
beings in a close consanguinous relationship and to 
lovers of opposite sex, and in such relations love is 
universally recognized as a distinct emotion. But 
the meanings expressed by the use of the word "love" 
in ordinary language are variant, though not funda- 
mentally divergent. 

It may be said of a person that he loves his mother 
and also that he loves grapes, but the character of 
the feelings this implies must certainly be very dif- 
ferent, and to use the same designation for them 
may seem unlogical. But it will not appear so when 
the nature of true love is fully understood. Love of 
anything and in any connection is characterized by 
a joyful or elevating feeling of increased activity or 
excitation of vital forces, as in a freer and fuller state 
of life. Love of grapes involves the anticipation of 

1 



2 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

a sensuous gratification by the eating of them, but 
their stimulating effect on the nutritive system may 
also produce a feeling of increased mental vigor, a 
feeling in some psychological way related to love; 
and it is probably for this reason that some people 
think they love grapes, or say so. It may also be 
said of a person that he loves good music, good com- 
pany, his books, hunting, etc., and in the use of such 
language it is understood that what a person loves 
has some peculiar effect on his mind, not merely 
agreeable and satisfying, but also as affording means 
for a higher and more joyful state of mind, or merely 
new and more life in some degree corresponding with 
the state of true love. 

In the cases here cited it would be quite proper 
to use the expression "like" instead of "love" which 
is used similarly as a more forcible expression for 
the feeling it designates. To say of a person that 
he likes grapes would in any case express his feel- 
ing in regard to grapes correctly, but his love for his 
mother would not be expressed correctly by saying 
that he likes her. Neither would it correctly express 
a mother's love for her children. 

It is therefore evident that when we say that we 
love grapes we do not mean exactly what we say, 
but we use the word "love" to indicate an inordi- 
nately pleasant sensation, and thus "love" is often 
used to express a strong liking for anything which, 
however, may be felt only by those who have some 
capacity for true love. 

Love, in its true sense, is an emotion of the hu- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 3 

man soul entirely independent of any sensuous de- 
sire or appetite. It springs from a strong desire for 
a fuller and richer spiritual or psychical life, and 
all means to that end may become objects of love; 
but in its primary conception love means only a 
passion or emotion incited by a spiritual attraction 
between two human beings. 

Fundamentals. There are two preliminary condi- 
tions necessary for the incitement of love. There 
must exist a subconscious feeling of Dependency 
between the lover and his object. It is not neces- 
sarily mutual, for it need not be shared by the ob- 
ject of love, but in true love there must be a feel- 
ing of dependency in the minds of both lovers. 

The dependency of love is of a psychic nature, 
and it does not involve the physical condition of 
life. It begins with the discovery of agreeable, com- 
forting or admirable qualities in the personality or 
constitution of the loved one which agree with or 
supplement weaker or less developed qualities in 
the lover's own nature, or strengthen certain emo- 
tional tendencies there. He or she feels that 
these qualities are lacking, or but little developed, in 
his or her own character or personahty and that 
they in conjunction with those of his or her own 
personality will create a richer and more harmon- 
ious state of psychic life, in which his or her inner 
life may unite with that of the beloved ones. It is 
by a feeling of this dependency that the lover be- 
comes attached to his or her object, and by which 



4 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

a desire for a closer union is engendered, and which 
is finally realized in the conjugal union. 

But the first and necessary condition of love is 
Sympathy, which, in a broad sense, means the feel- 
ing of another person's feelings and affections, as 
if they were of one's own mind, and it is only through 
sympathy that a feeling of mental dependency be- 
comes possible ; for it is only when we learn to agree 
with other people's feelings or motives that we feel 
any desire to come in closer contact with them, and 
it is only in this way we come to feel any attraction 
in contact with them. 

There are two distinct varieties of sympathy. 
One is concerned with and proceeds from the inner 
man, and it may be termed subjective or immediate 
sympathy. The other regards man's relation to some 
exterior agency, and it may be termed objective or 
mediate sympathy, because of its concern with some- 
thing outside the inner life. The sympathy of love 
is of the immediate kind, but it does not necessarily 
engender love, for it may, under certain conditions, 
be the cause of admiration or friendship, if it does 
not meet the necessary conditions of love. The 
sympathy of pity, charity, compassion, good will, 
kindness and duty, on the other hand, arises from 
a feeling or judgment of the effect of certain human 
or natural agencies upon the mind or welfare of 
the affected person, and this sympathy is therefore 
not immediate or spontaneous, as in the case of love, 
friendship and admiration. 

But neither sympathy nor dependency are known 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 5 

or felt in a state of true love. The lover does not 
feel any dependence of the loved one, for any con- 
scious conception of this is dissolved in the emo- 
tion of love. He or she may sympathize with 
the beloved one in matters concerning his or her 
connection with the outer world, but this sympathy 
has nothing to do with the inner life from which the 
emotion of love proceeds. 

Sympathy and a subconscious feeling of depend- 
ence may be regarded as elementary components of 
the state of love which cannot be separated with- 
out changing the nature of the composition. Though 
these elements are not discoverable in the state of 
love a dissolution is possible, and when that hap- 
pens love has vanished; and that will be the case 
when only one of the components is removed. With- 
out dependency there is no love, for sympathy alone 
does not contain a particle of love, and in a state 
of dependency without sympathy there is no incen- 
tive to love. 

This is the chemistry of love. It will appear in- 
telligible to the psychologist who knows what love 
is; and thus it may be stated as a psychological 
axiom that the primary conditions oj love lie in 
sympathy and mental dependency. 

A study of the meaning and import of the ad- 
jectives lovely and lovable in common language may 
help to obtain a clear conception of the true char- 
acter of love. We could not love a person in whom 
we cannot see anything lovely or lovable, but we 
do not love every person whose character or dispo- 



6 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

sition we describe as lovely or lovable; for though 
we find something in him or her which we must 
admire it is not such qualities as would compel us 
to love this person. We find in such a person some- 
thing which is fit to incite love — in some one else — 
but we do not find anything there which is specially 
adapted to supplement a lack of corresponding ele- 
ments in our own personality, and which would ex- 
cite a desire for an intimate union with this person. 
It is not our sympathy which prevents us from lov- 
ing him (or her), for this sympathy is in every re- 
spect like the sympathy of love; but the feeling of 
dependency is entirely absent in this case; or, in 
other words: the selfishness of love finds no satis- 
faction in the contemplation of a union with the per- 
son whose character we designate as lovely or lov- 
able. 

Sympathy never becomes emotional, unless it is 
surcharged with pity, which in itself is a very tem- 
perate emotion. The feeling of dependency, on the 
other hand, is wholly subjective, for it proceeds from 
the native self without any clear conception of its 
cause, and, like other feelings of the self in its rela- 
tion to the outer world, it may become strongly emo- 
tional; and it is a special variety of this feeling in 
relation to another person, or human entity, which 
reveals itself in the emotion of love. 

The mutual dependence of human beings may be 
of a purely physical or material nature in its incep- 
tion, but if so it quickly develop? into a mixture of 
spiritual and material dependence, and the consti- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 7 

tution of human society is founded on such mixture; 
for both are essential elements in social life — which 
is only another expression for human life. The pre- 
liminary conditions of love are therefore always 
present in some degree when material wants or exi- 
gencies of a social order bring individuals under 
different economic conditions in close touch with 
each other. It is the spiritual dependency which 
engenders love, but the material dependency is of 
first importance as an incentive to sympathetic de- 
pendency. 

The first requirement of love is a highly developed 
sympathetic faculty, and the first requisite of sym- 
pathy is a real similarity in nature and character. 
Neither immediate nor mediate sympathy can appear 
outside the human mind, though it may be imag- 
ined in other beings; for human imagination can 
transform anything to suit the human mind. But 
sympathy with an animal becomes possible only 
by imagining it in some way affected by human feel- 
ings and emotions. There is, however, a sympa- 
thetic behavior observable throughout the animal 
world, which has nothing in common with human 
sjrmpathy, except in some superficial features, and 
which justifies the expression "sympathetic be- 
havior." 

Friendly and sympathetic relations may have a 
great ethical value in the relation of man to man, 
but they lack the life-giving and invigorating power 
of love, which unfolds itself in the union of two 
lovers and which never appears in an unemotional 



8 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

state. Therefore it may be said that there is a cre- 
ative power in love; though it does not create any- 
thing out of nothing, but merely sets in motion and 
enlarges certain unused faculties of the mind. 

The vigor of human life becomes evident in ex- 
pansion. In its period of growth it is sustained by 
an absorption from the outer world, but when the 
individual has reached a state of maturity it be- 
comes overcharged with vitalityj and in that state 
the native self may expand to a higher state of life 
in intimate association with another human being as 
if the overbounding vitality were expended in a liv- 
ing interaction between two human souls. But it 
is only through the emotion of love that this be- 
comes possible, and it is only between opposite 
sexes that it can be fully expended. By this inter- 
action the two related natures become more fully 
developed and both may gain by mutual exchange 
of superfluous life-force. 

The general effect of personal love, on the other 
hand, is of little consequence. It is expressed in the 
aphorism "All the world loves a lover" ; for spiritual 
life radiates from a lover, and all the world loves 
life and any individual who has some of it to spare. 
But otherwise the importance of love in human pro- 
gression becomes apparent when it is considered as 
a means to the development of the personality and 
character of individuals, for thus it becomes indi- 
rectly a factor in social evolution. 

The object of love is not necessarily a single in- 
dividual; it may be an aggregated entity consist- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 9 

ing of many individuals, as, for instance, a nation, or 
a country with all that it contains of value for hu- 
man life and progress; or a place of residence of 
loved ones and affording all the comforts of home- 
life; or it may be some special work or occupation 
which brings oneself in closer contact with a greater 
part of humanity, as, for instance, the occupation 
of a teacher or artist; or it may be in the percep- 
tion of some being wherein an ideal of love is en- 
shrined, as, for instance, in the deified objects of the 
Christian faith. One may love money, power, fame, 
truth, and in all such cases the object of love be- 
comes a means to a freer and richer life. But it only 
becomes so by loving it. 

Combinations of Love. In the concretion of hu- 
man life love is never entirely separated from other 
emotions, though it may often be the ruling one, 
and it is often combined or closely associated with 
rival emotions before it passes into a state of inti- 
mate attachment to its object. Emotions of pride, 
duty, jealousy, rivalry or distrust, uncertainty of 
winning the loved one, or love of independence may 
in this period torment the mind of the lover, and 
feelings closely related to self-preservation or selfish- 
ness may also appear, for love enters deeply into 
the mind and has a stimulating effect on other emo- 
tions; or the intention of love may be blocked by 
the pride of parents in their social rank and posi- 
tion or in their wealth. But in its struggle with 
these various emotions and obstacles love usually 



10 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

prevails, and it is in the nature of love to gain in 
strength by any exterior resistance. 

If dramatists and writers of love stories should 
endeavor to picture unaffected and simple love it 
would, no doubt, make fine reading, but such stories 
would not be dramatic and would not possess the 
emotional or exciting character required to arouse 
corresponding emotions in the mind of the ordinary 
reader, and if a student of human nature should 
attempt to determine the nature and character of 
true love from the works of such authors, he would 
enter on an unprofitable, if not hopeless task. For 
while these writers are good psychologists in their 
own way they are not interested in psychology and 
do not attempt to explain the origin or proper char- 
acter of a simple emotion; they know how to pic- 
ture life and do not attempt to show the various 
emotions separately, and in their concrete concep- 
tion of human life no single passion appears entirely 
independent of others, which all play their part in 
the progress of human life. 

A failure to recognize or perceive the manifold- 
ness of human nature may be discerned in attempts 
to explain or illustrate the nature of great emo- 
tions, which not infrequently appear in works of 
poets, dramatists, poet-philosophers and in tenta- 
tive psychological essays; and on account of this 
lack of discrimination love, and other emotions, 
has been pictured in impassioned poetry and pa- 
thetic perorations with vivid and profuse colors, 
which do not represent the true character of simple 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 11 

emotions; for it is only in combination with other 
emotions that they may produce a compomid of 
greater strength than the original emotion. But the 
poetical representation may have the advantage of 
touching some interesting points in the reader's per- 
sonal experience — though quite worthless to the ra- 
tional psychologist. 

Human nature reveals itself in the excited state 
of the emotions, and it is by a clear and striking ex- 
position of them that great authors succeed in mak- 
ing deep impressions on the minds of ordinary read- 
ers, whose feehngs but seldom rise above the nor- 
mal or undisturbed level of daily life. But popular 
authors gain their popularity in a far greater meas- 
ure by an artful exposition of the sensual emotions 
than they could by appeaHng to the spiritual and 
intellectual mind. Thus by mingling love with sen- 
suality they provide a tasty if not very satisfying 
story for emotional natures. 

True love is of the spirit (supersensual), and all 
material considerations have a deadening effect on 
it, and to avoid this drawback the lover in popular 
love stories is often a young man of unlimited 
means, or else some dear uncle dies and leaves him 
an immense fortune at the proper psychological 
time. While the supposed realism of these stories 
may be disputed, the reader, no doubt, finds in them 
a rehef from the rather oppressive realities of daily 
life. Which also may account for the popularity of 
romantic love stories of former years. 

The psychological ideas of popular love stories 



12 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

are not extracted from personal experience, but they 
are, to a certain extent, prompted by it; and writers 
with very Umited experience have written beautiful 
and fascinating love stories. But ideals change un- 
der different conditions of culture and civilization 
while love remains unchanged. The various ideal 
conceptions of it cannot change its character, and 
they do not survive in conflict with the realities of 
human life. 

The traditional aspect of love and marriage as 
proper concomitants impHes a combination of dif- 
ferent emotions; for that which is gained by mar- 
riage has in itself nothing to do with love, if it 
consists in a determinate personal and social status, 
or economic independence and an unhindered and 
legitimate gratification of the sexual and parental 
passions. It is therefore not to be wondered at that 
nearly all love stories come to an end when the 
conjugal union is agreed on. It may also be said 
that a truly realistic love story has never been writ- 
ten, and that but few persons would enjoy the read- 
ing of it if it were written. 

The lovers may be very differently endowed in- 
tellectually and spiritually, and there may be a con- 
siderable difference in their age, experience and ma- 
terial advantages, but if they are real lovers they 
will not allow these differences to affect the deep and 
personal sympathy of love. On the other hand, 
those who have but little capacity for immediate 
sympathy may "get along" fairly well in connubial 
union if they have sufficient objective (mediate) 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 13 

sympathy with the material comfort and aspirations 
of their matrimonial partner. Marriage may only 
mean some extra comfort and pleasure to the rich 
and well-to-do, but it is a necessity for the great 
majority of workers, who could not endure the 
strain and monotony of daily toil without a modest 
home where they may pass their leisure hours in 
congenial surroundings, and this home comfort may 
take the place of sexual love, and it will last longer. 
Thus matrimony proves its social value in those 
races of mankind where sexual love is almost un- 
known or of little consequence. 

The definition of love and other psychological 
terms and their appended synonyms in all diction- 
aries may suggest a rather indiscriminate use of 
them in ordinary language, but there is nothing in 
the terms themselves, or their derivatives, which 
can justify an incorrect or loose use of any one of 
them for radically different emotions. A simple 
definition of love should be possible, for love is love 
no matter how much diluted with inferior emotions, 
just as gold is gold in any composition. 

Some Other Emotions. There is no difference be- 
tween the sympathy of love and that of Admira- 
tion. But while the sympathy which evokes ad- 
miration is concerned with qualities which surpass 
corresponding qualities in the admirer's personal- 
ity, he or she does not feel that his or her own 
happiness or welfare depends to any great extent 
on these qualities, and which is one of the primary 



14 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

conditions for the incitement of love. Admiration 
of these qualities can therefore not have any vital 
effect on the admirer's mind. It may stay in com- 
bination with love, but that which the lover ad- 
mires is not what he loves. It may serve to 
strengthen the emotion of love, but it never becomes 
an element in it, and it is only in the art of poetry 
that the lover expresses his admiration for the loved 
one. 

Charity (or charitableness) is not very different 
from love in its exterior manifestations; but it is 
not so restricted or selfish, and it c^n spread to sev- 
eral objects without losing force. The benefactor 
is not, like the lover, interested in the personality 
of his object only and does not seek a union with 
it. The sympathy of charity is objective, and it 
is not emotional, unless some love happens to be 
implicated. No regard for one's proper self can ap- 
pear in charity or charitableness, but acts of benevo- 
lence may react on the mind of the benefactor and 
open it to the joys and satisfaction of an unselfish 
life. 

Righteousness in combination with love makes 
the latter less selfish and gives it a higher character. 
But the two emotions never coalesce, for the sym- 
pathy of love is different from that of righteousness ; 
one is subjective and the other is objective, and it 
often happens that love vanishes while righteousness 
remains unaltered. 

A keen feeling of "duty" is often present in the 
lover's relation to the loved one, but it does not enter 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 15 

in the state of love and does not otherwise affect 
it. It only appears when the relation to the loved 
one makes it unavoidable, and it is prompted by an 
objective sympathy only. 

The sympathy of ''pity" is objective (mediate), 
and it arises from the perception of an unfortunate 
position or a suffering condition of its object, and 
it can therefore in no way directly affect the emotion 
of love; but it may sometimes act as an incentive 
to it. 

The jealoitsy of love is highly emotional but it 
is not sympathetic, for it is concerned with the pos- 
session of something which is prized as highly as 
life itself, or something vitally connected with the 
lover's own self; and when there appears a danger 
of losing it an emotion of mistrust arises in oppo- 
sition to the emotion of love. In the struggle be- 
tween these two emotions one of them may gain 
the mastery, but it never ends before one of 
them is vanquished; which shows the indivisibility 
of love, which finds no satisfaction in an interme- 
diate state and cannot brook the possibility of it. 
The selfishness of love appears distinctly when there 
is any danger of losing any part of the loved one's 
affection ; but this particular kind of selfishness, that 
inner selfishness, has no regard for the gratifica- 
tion of the lower passions or desires, and it can- 
not be regarded as a vice, but rather as a necessary 
and natural adjunct of love. 

Pride is an unsympathetic emotion and it cannot 



16 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

conquer a deep-rooted love.^ When it finds an out- 
let in anger it may act as a check to the emotion of 
love, but it soon recedes and leaves love unabated; 
for a mind imbued with love is not easily affected 
by a weaker emotion, and the lover does not easily 
get angry with the loved one in matters which do 
not vitally affect or impair the confidence of love. 
Love, on the other hand, may weaken the emotion 
of pride or partly replace it. It is only in the incipi- 
ent state of love that these two entirely different 
emotions may possess equal power, and in this state 
the contest between them may become passionately 
excited; and by a concrete illustration of this initial 
state some love stories are made highly emotional. 
Pride may, however, as an independent agent, serve 
to strengthen love. Children may become means for 
the satisfaction of parental pride, outside the sphere 
of love, and when a father and mother are proud 
of their children they become more precious to them, 
as means to the satisfaction of the deeper emotion 
of love and the more superficial emotion of pride. 
The mother will pay special attention to their dress 
and appearance in social company, and her concern 

* Pride is not entirely void of sympathy, though it may be 
classed as an unsympathetic emotion; and there are several va- 
rieties of it which cannot be placed in this class. The selfishness 
of pride appears when the proud one feels himself a superior being 
without responsibility in relation to the rest of mankind, and 
this is a selfish feeling. But he could not have this feeling with- 
out some sympathy with those classes or individuals which he 
considers inferior to himself; for otherwise he could not be con- 
scious of his own superiority. But a person may be conscious 
of personal advantages and be proud of them without being 
selfish in a bad sense. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 17 

about this will increase her love for them, and pride 
may have a similar effect in the relation of husband 
to wife and children. When we consider the pe- 
culiar inclination of the lover to vivify the good 
qualities in the loved one and ignore the feebler 
ones his pride in the object of his love will appear 
natural and well founded in most cases. But it is 
no part of love itself (as Hume conceived it to be). 

The Power of Love. Love — like other passions — 
cannot spread to various objects without losing in 
intensity and power. When in love the whole per- 
sonal being is united with or attached to one object, 
and a union with, or attachment to, different ob- 
jects at the same time would require a correspond- 
ing division of the lover's own self, which would be 
impossible for any ordinary human being. It can 
only be done by an alternative shifting of his atten- 
tion and affection from one object to another, and 
this would in each case require some length of time. 
The one apparent exception may be found in the 
parental love, for though a mother or father does 
not love all their children at the same time, they 
may readily and quickly shift their loving atten- 
tion from one child to another. 

Love cannot be superseded by other emotions 
when it has become the ruHng one, but considering 
its influence outside the sexual relation and family 
life, it should be noted that it is only in combination 
with inferior emotions that it can be of any conse- 
quence in the practical affairs of life. 



18 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

The supremacy of love over all other emotions is 
shown in its effect on the lover's spiritual nature. 
Love invigorates and stimulates all the faculties of 
the mind and makes the lover a more efficient and 
devoted worker in the special line of activity he 
has chosen for the fulfillment of his desires and aspi- 
rations. The spiritual energy which it creates makes 
possible a more complete consummation of the 
lover's intentions and greater achievements, and 
thus the emotion of love becomes indirectly an effi- 
cient agent in the development of human superior- 
ity and power. But its main function and imme- 
diate effect is an improvement of the individual 
character and the promotion of individual happiness. 

Love appears primitively as an immediate psychic 
interaction between two human beings, and in its 
further expansion, under the stimulus of a progres- 
sive ethical culture, it appears in a less personal but 
in a more elevated and idealistic form ; as in the love 
of one's country, home, some special occupation, or 
in the idealistic love of some superior human being, 
or in the subhme perception of some superhuman 
being. 

Some distinctly different forms of personal and 
impersonal love will be discussed separately here. 

Sexual Love. It is one of the main and necessary 
conditions of love that the personalities of a pair 
of lovers shall be different. Otherwise there can be 
no emotional interaction or communication between 
them : for the emotion of love cannot be maintained 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 19 

where there is nothing to offer, receive or exchange. 
But equality of personality or character would be 
no bar to a friendly relation, and herein lies the 
main difference between Love and Friendship. 

While love may exist as a dominant passion in 
the mutual relation of persons of the same sex, it is 
universally recognized as predominant in the mutual 
relation of men and women ; and this fact may surely 
be ascribed to a certain innate difference in the 
male and female character. While it in many cases 
would be impossible for a man or woman to love 
some person of their own sex it would probably in 
no case be quite impossible for them to love any one 
of the opposite sex, or rather to find something in 
the personality or character of such a person which 
they could love. For it cannot be assumed that 
love in its inception has regard to the whole per- 
sonality or character of the loved one. 

It is only that part of the personality or personal 
character which has a special value for the lover, 
that part of it which he or she can sympathize 
with and admire, which awakens the emotion of love, 
and this emotion is in itself so intense and power- 
ful that it must dominate and control the whole at- 
tention of the lover toward the loved one by sub- 
duing or modifying any extraneous feeling or impres- 
sion which otherwise would force itself within its 
dominion. The lover may discover temperamental 
peculiarities or even disagreeable, immoral or per- 
verted sentiments in the mind of the loved one, but 
if they are not too predominant and do not inter- 



20 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

fere with that part which is appreciated by the 
lover, then there is in love itself sufficient reserve 
power to overrule any serious consideration of it 
and to make it appear to the lover as unimportant 
defects. 

The human soul finds its most direct and free 
expression in the features of the human face, and 
particularly so during a temporary excitation by 
strong emotions. But the modular cadence of the 
human voice may, under similar conditions, have the 
same effect on a sensitive and sympathetic mind, and 
its adaptation to various emotions is clearly shown 
in the different voices of Anger, Indignation, De- 
fiance, Joy, Contempt, Supplication, etc. 

But the visible and audible expression of inner 
feelings may also become the most direct and effec- 
tive means for the excitation of immediate personal 
sympathy, as is shown in the very common phe- 
nomenon of ''Love at first sight," the reality of 
which has never been doubted or misunderstood. 
The spontaneous love is pure Love, unaffected by 
reason, reflection or imagination, and it cannot 
change, for it proceeds from that part of the per- 
sonality which must remain unchanged through- 
out Ufe. Love at first meeting would therefore be a 
safe guide to a happy and life-long matrimonial 
union ; but it is probably only in comparatively few 
cases that it becomes an initiative to matrimony. 
For the sexual union has its practical aspects, which 
often appear of prime importance. It may have 
concern about the ability of the husband to support 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 21 

his family in a manner corresponding with the com- 
monly accepted requirements of social standing and 
personal habits. But if a young man, for any rea- 
son, is not prepared to marry his first love he may 
make a greater mistake in allowing practical con- 
siderations to interfere with his immediate desire 
and intention; for such considerations make a poor 
guide to a happy marriage for both parties, and the 
result may be far less satisfactory than if the im- 
mediate impulse of love at first meeting had pre- 
vailed, despite the economical or social difficulties 
it might entail. 

Two lovers are always wishing to be united, and 
the emotion of love is greatly intensified when their 
union is hindered by unforeseen circumstances or 
when they have been separated by extraneous forces. 
When this happens the mutual dependency takes the 
form of a longing for reunion with all the charac- 
teristics of a strong emotion. In this respect per- 
sonal love does not differ from other passions, which 
increase in strength whenever they meet a resist- 
ance. 

The emotion of love — like any other emotion — 
is nurtured and supported by imagination, and noth- 
ing is more affective or fascinating than the imagery 
of love. The source of love's ideal conceptions can 
in any case be found in some personal ideal im- 
planted in the soul from which the realities of love 
are extracted and made suitable to the realities of 
human life. But as a rule, the lover expects a reali- 
zation of his ideal in the connubial union. Such ex- 



22 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

pectation may be fully satisfied, but in the majority 
of cases love's ideal is only partly realized. For the 
relation between married people may become 
strained and in no sense agree with the principles 
of true love, and still less so with the ideal concep- 
tion of it, and on the whole it may be said of ideal 
love (as of any other ideal) that it is impracticable, 
though possible in exceptional cases. But though 
it must be admitted that the ideal love disappears 
in the conjugal union, it is nevertheless true that it 
is in this union and in its parental relations, more 
than in any other relation, that love proves its 
practical and universal value. 

The ideal conception of the object of love trans- 
cends the limit of self-regard and eliminates the con- 
sciousness of self, which in this state is replaced by 
a better self which resides in the personality of the 
loved one. The reality of this transformation is 
made evident by the particular care and concern 
bestowedion the loved one. The lover does not seem 
to pay so much attention to his or her own safety 
and comfort as to that of the loved one ; and in that 
respect the lover becomes less selfish than in his 
(or her) relation to other human beings. But other- 
wise the emotion of love does not in any degree 
lessen or weaken the selfishness of man; and the 
selfishness of united lovers outside their own sphere 
of love is even more distinctive than that of single 
persons. But selfishness in any form cannot affect 
the emotion of love. Though there be some satis- 
faction in the consciousness of being loved, and a 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 23 

desire to be the object of love may dominate a 
weaker mind, it never becomes an active element in 
the state of love; for it proceeds from a selfish de- 
sire; and love shuns an insincere invitation. 

The true character of personal love is shown in 
its incipient state in a desire to come away from the 
native self, to be relieved of its oppressive domi- 
nation and its wearisome or irritating monotony, by 
shifting the center of attention to the personality 
of another person. 

Man's love differs from woman's love to the same 
extent as their sexuality, and as the difference in 
their ideals. Man's love is passionate and idealistic, 
and woman's love is essentially motherly. But 
"motherly" does not express or explain a woman's 
love for her intended husband without some quali- 
fication. As a laconic characterization it is satis- 
factory, but otherwise it is inadequate. It does not 
mean a woman's love for children or her desire for 
motherhood, and it does not, as a rule, appear ex- 
plicitly or consciously in her love for her intended 
husband; but it is nevertheless true that the emo- 
tional part of her mind is affected by those qualities 
which make him fit to be a father, and that a 
woman's love is fundamentally connected with her 
mother instinct. It is only when this instinct is 
abnormally developed that she may love a man 
whose manly character is so weak or deficient that 
she can find an immediate use for it in the matri- 
monial union. But as a rule, she is attracted by 



24 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

his firmness, self-control, constancy and resoluteness, 
and she rather likes a dominative or overbearing 
character, and though her love is absolutely per- 
sonal, it is not affected by other accomplishments 
or moral qualities. On the other hand, she cannot 
love a childish person, however much she may like 
children; and she does not pay any attention to 
those qualities which might be of some personal 
benefit to her if she is not willing to be a mother. 
But she will not consent to marry a man if she is 
not fully convinced that he loves her and that he 
is physically healthy; for what she really loves is 
that which makes him fit to be a father for her 
children, and in that sense a woman's love may be 
characterized as "motherly." 

Some early effect of a woman's mother-instinct 
may occasionally be observed in her attitude toward 
her lover, but otherwise it remains dormant during 
her maidenhood. But she may feel a strong desire 
to enjoy a fuller and richer life in company with her 
lover, and by this new experience she gains in men- 
tal and physical vigor and becomes better prepared 
for motherhood. 

Man's mental constitution is manifold and change- 
able, while that of woman is simple and confined 
within definite limits. It is shown in her love, which 
remains her dominant passion, while man's love is 
often replaced by other passions. She desires love 
and cannot free herself from that desire ; but she will 
not accept it from a man who does not truly love 
her, for she feels intuitively that only in reciprocal 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 25 

love can her inner life expand and fulfill her supreme 
destiny as a good mother for a new generation. And 
this feminine characteristic of a young woman's love 
is often shown in her attitude toward her lover. 

In her female nature the mother instinct is para- 
mount, but she has also an intuitive feeling that 
she is not destined to bear more than one-half of 
the parental affection and responsibility, and that 
an isolation of her part would be an effective bar to 
complete motherhood, and every young woman in 
the first period of mature womanhood may have a 
vague premonition of this. 

A woman generally does not find a congenial occu- 
pation outside her own sphere, which is included in 
the greater sphere of man's activity, and she never 
feels quite happy outside her own sphere. When 
her true womanhood is normally developed she feels 
a sure premonition of her duties within the limit 
of her sexual and social sphere of occupation and 
the necessity of preserving her female qualities, 
which become fully developed in the restricted 
sphere of motherhood. 

However limited or extended her sphere of ac- 
tivity may be, there will always remain in the 
healthy young woman's mind a subconscious per- 
ception of her primitive female faculties, which find 
their natural apphcation when she becomes a 
mother; and if she is not wilHng to be a mother, 
or does not feel any satisfaction in the contempla- 
tion of it, or if she is not fond of children, then it 
may be inferred that she is not in every respect fit 



26 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

for motherhood, or is not fully developed for it. 

The capacity for love varies greatly in different 
individuals but the essential in womanly love is 
probably indicated correctly here. Without that 
there would be no specific or consistent feminine 
love, and it appears distinctly in mother love. 

Man's mind is peculiarly adapted to ideal concep- 
tions, and in his endeavor to gain full freedom for 
the spiritual part of his nature he is often carried 
far beyond the limits of his animal nature. This 
tendency has had a peculiar effect upon his rela- 
tion to the other sex, and through all ages it ap- 
pears in his erotic and spiritual conception of 
womanhood. One effect of this is shown in the ever 
changing social status of woman. In some period of 
remote antiquity she held a superior social posi- 
tion; later she became the slave of man, or an in- 
ferior attachment to him; the breeder of his chil- 
dren; a special object of his erotic passion, etc. 
Man's erotic attitude toward the other sex from the 
early middle ages to the end of last century was in- 
spired by incongruous idealistic sentiments and prej- 
udices. Under the dominant rule of the Roman 
Church woman became an inferior being, a deceiver, 
a she-devil, and outside that domain an object of 
frivolous gallantry.^ A remarkable transformation 

*It may safel}' be affirmed that there never has appeared a 
greater obstacle to the promotion of true psychological knowledge 
than the Roman Church when it became superdominant after the 
disappearance of primitive Christianity, and particularly so by 
the supposition of sinfulness in all elementary emotions, as 
inimical to the spirit of Christianity. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 27 

in the erotic attitude of men occurred in the era of 
chivaky in the twelfth and thirteenth century in 
western Europe. To win and retain the love or at- 
tention of a woman became a special function of the 
masculine mind, and if she had any preference she 
was not allowed or supposed to reveal it. She was 
to be an object of love, but was not supposed to be 
a lover herself, and this presumption of the passive 
attitude of the object of love made it possible for 
the lover to use his imagination to its full extent in 
the creation of an ideal being, which he could adore 
and worship. An occasional glimpse of the beloved 
being, or the mere knowledge of her existence, would 
keep the ideal image of her personality bright in his 
impassioned mind. But though this spirit love may 
have been highly esteemed in the chivalrous society 
of that period, it could not satisfy the great mass of 
common people, for common lovers wish to live to- 
gether, and real love cannot be fed and sustained 
by pure imagination. There is no evidence in his- 
tory or literature that woman ever had any idealis- 
tic conception of love corresponding to that of man, 
or his erotic imagination. 

The realistic woman is conscious of man's idealis- 
tic conception of her personality and character, but 
she is by no means inclined to destroy the illusion; 
on the contrary, she is willing to uphold it when she 
feels that she must do so in order to make herself ac- 
ceptible as an object of love — though she would 
rather that he should appreciate the female quali- 
ties which belong to her. But she wants love, and 



28 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

is willing to please man in any way to foster his af- 
fection for her ; and in doing so she follows a natu- 
ral impulse to realize the object of true womanhood. 

When a young man feels a resistless impulse to 
protect the young woman he loves, without any ob- 
vious necessity for or inducement to do so, it may 
be explained logically by assuming a primary excite- 
ment of his father instinct. And it may be noted as 
an equally significant fact that the young woman 
will accept his protection gracefully, even if she is 
quite capable of protecting herself. 

This vague imitation of fatherhood may appear 
when the young man has considered the possibility 
of a new generation under his fatherly protection 
and the young woman as a means to that end ; and 
it may add to the ardour of sexual love, as by a 
subtle perception of the joy of fatherhood. But 
later, when the sexual union has become an ac- 
complished fact, the joy of fatherhood may appear as 
a fully developed and independent emotion.^ 

A young man may love his sister, but his love 
for his sweetheart is more passionate; for in that 
love there is something which is lacking in sister 
love. He cannot be enamoured by his sister because 
he knows her too well; while he has no intimate 
knowledge of the other girl's character, and can 
make up the deficiency with some ideal conception 

*This conception is not incompatible with Schopenhauer's in- 
stinct of "philo-progenitiveness," but it cannot be designated as 
an "instinct," which indicates something deeper rooted than 
sexual love, and we have no actual proof or indication of such an 
instinct in the constitution of human nature. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 29 

of his own making. The young woman may per- 
ceive this, but she does not attempt to disillusion 
him, and she rather enjoys her new role as a more 
ideal being, and she may imagine this as part of her 
better nature, of which she had no cognizance before 
she met the young man. But the real woman will 
certainly appear in the connubial union, and there 
need not be any radical difference between the atti- 
tude of a wife and that of a loving sister. 

Happiness is implied in, and requires some meas- 
ure of expansion of the inner life; but the happi- 
ness of love implies also some real addition to, or 
improvement in, the lover's mental constitution — 
a richer life; and is maintained only by repeated 
excitement of sympathetic feelings, and thus the 
emotion of love may be maintained in the first years 
of married life. But the continued exercise of its 
strength and virility leads to a gradual exhaustion, 
and when that happens other vital and elemental 
powers will claim attention, to which no considera- 
tion was given in the superdominant state of love. 
If the revived desires and aspirations agree with 
the other party's sentiments they may become sup- 
plementary to his or her love, and in that case 
the intimate relation between the lovers will be set- 
tled on a permanent basis and remain so. Other- 
wise the relation will become unsettled by a more or 
less complete disintegration of the emotion of love. 
And there is a great possibility for this when young 
persons are married before their innate propensi- 



30 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

ties and personal faculties have had a chance to 
assert themselves and claim recognition. 

The transitoriness of sexual love may be rep- 
resented more vividly in a figurative form : Love has 
been symbolized by a flaming heart, and this is prob- 
ably the best representation of it; but, like other 
flames and fire, it cannot endure if not constantly 
fed with new fuel, and however much there may be 
in store of this in the beginning, it will certainly be- 
come less ample or abundant when the initial sup- 
ply has been consumed, and if there was not an 
abundance of it to start with it may dwindle to noth- 
ing at the end of the first few years of married fife. 
But even then the work of mutual love is not neces- 
sarily lost, for it may reappear in the form of pa- 
rental love, in which both parents may find full 
compensation for their dissipated sexual love. 

As "sexual love" implies the love of both sexes, 
it implies also two different varieties of love. Man's 
love can only be analyzed and described correctly by 
a man, and woman's love can only be truly depicted 
by a woman. Man's love described by a man and 
woman's love as it appears from a woman's view- 
point would be required as complementary parts of 
a complete treatise on sexual love. But of the emo- 
tion of love it is true — as of all elementary emo- 
tions — that it cannot be justly interpreted by those 
whose minds are dominated by it, for it is char- 
acteristic of all emotions that they obscure the vision 
in other directions, and often so much so that a 
person under their influence remains unaffected by 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 31 

those other emotions which, in their own way, are 
able to dominate and direct the thoughts and actions 
of mankind. Love has no objective form or charac- 
ter from a point of view inside its own sphere, while 
it appears in a comprehensive form to one who knows 
it from past experience and has the requisite faculty 
of retrospection and introspection. 

Parental Love. A mother's love for her young 
infant is primarily incited by its helpless condition. 
A woman's natural disposition to give up part of her 
personal comfort and desires for the benefit of an- 
other person may find full satisfaction in her rela- 
tion to the child, and her female character makes 
her peculiarly fit as a nurse and helper for young 
children. 

Many mothers will admit that they do not feel 
any love for their newly-born child, and there is no 
ground for the supposition that a mother feels any 
great affliction by losing it. Her love for the child 
begins when she is able to nurse it, and it grows by 
degrees as the child reveals its truly human nature 
and character. All the faculties of the soul are ex- 
pressed in the eyes, and they show themselves there 
not long after the birth of the child. The mother 
can observe them as soon as they appear, and her 
love to the child is therefore awakened before other 
persons can feel any sympathy for it, and in her close 
and continued association with it the two funda- 
mental conditions of love — sympathy and depend- 
ency — are ever present. 



32 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

The here presented aspect of a mother's love for 
her newly-born child is justified by the following 
historical facts : A methodical destruction of newly- 
born children is practised in some countries. In the 
Orient it is not considered a crime, and in China 
a man who has many girls in his family is regarded a 
mean person. After the institution of the Christian 
Church in Europe the killing of newly born chil- 
dren was first considered a crime, and the dogma of 
eternal damnation of the unbaptized made it an un- 
pardonable crime. 

Because the child is so entirely dependent on its 
mother's care and attention feehngs and emotions 
of a different nature cannot enter her mind, and 
therefore a mother's love is more constant and 
purer than love in other relations and under other 
conditions. 

When a woman has become a mother she has 
arrived at a full development of that part of her 
constitution which makes her preeminently fit for 
the rearing and education of young children, and 
the satisfaction she finds in that occupation is a 
matter of vital concern to her. Considered in this 
light it will be admitted that a mother's depend- 
ence on her child is as absolute as its dependence 
on her, though the character of the dependence is as 
different as its objects. 

When a child dies the mother feels the loss very 
keenly. The loss of a friend or near relative is not 
felt so, which shows a bond between the child and 
its mother as between two parts of one living being. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 33 

It cannot be said that a mother likes her children, 
but she must love them. She may like other people's 
children, but she cannot love them; for in her re- 
lation to them the element of dependency is entirely 
lacking. They are entirely dependent on their own 
mother and must therefore be independent in their 
relation to other persons — except their father. 

Paternal and maternal love are not essentially 
different; but, as a rule, they are not synchronous 
or of equal intensity; for intensive mother love ap- 
pears soon after the birth of the child, while a 
father's love begins at a later stage, when the child 
has grown old enough to perceive its dependence of 
the father and express it in its behavior toward him. 
Then the paternal sympathy becomes a vital ele- 
ment of father love. 

The child's love for its mother and father is of 
course not effectual, for the emotion of love is un- 
developed in childhood. It is often discernible, how- 
ever, in young children as a sympathetic love, but 
the emotional element is weak and superficial, and 
affection is a more suitable expression in this case. 

One may occasionally discover the antecedent of 
real love expressed in the eyes of a little child. But 
this can only happen when the child is approached 
in a spirit of loving-kindness, without any trace of 
parental love or self-consciousness of any kind — an 
unemotional state of mind which has been symbol- 
ized as that of "an empty vessel"; otherwise the 
experiment will fail absolutely. The beautiful light 
seen in the child's eyes may soon disappear, but it 



34 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

proves beyond doubt that the germ of love is im- 
planted in the soul of the child. 

Sublime Love. The difficulty of extracting pure 
love from its combinations with other emotions 
was referred to in another place, and it was re- 
marked that love stories were of little help in that 
respect. But a true conception of pure love may 
be obtained by considering the ideal love in the 
Christian faith, for there it appears absolutely pure 
and perfect (as may be affirmed of ideals generally). 
The Christians can love their God as children love 
their father, who has power to love all his children, 
and the reciprocity of this love is expressed in the 
form "Our Father." This conception appeals to the 
human heart, for nothing is more human than pa- 
rental love, and the dependency of childhood reap- 
pears in man's relation to the Father of mankind. 
Hence the love of God has become a fundamental 
conception in the Christian faith. But as an ideal 
of pure love the love of Christ stands without an 
equal. Jesus, or Christ, was a human being while 
he lived among men, but he is also revered as the 
savior of mankind. Therefore, full sympathy and 
full dependency are united in the dual conception 
of Christ as Man and Savior, and pure love is the 
logical result. On the other hand, when sympathy 
is lacking in the relation of man to his god — as in 
the lower religions — Fear appears as the most promi- 
nent emotion. 

All manifestations of common love are character- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 35 

ized by mutuality, and no sacrifice is apparent or 
even possible there. But there is a higher order of 
love which does not find its object in the per- 
sonality of man, and which becomes possible only 
when faith in a higher ideal has become absolute 
and has conquered all lower aspirations. This ex- 
alted emotion has culminated in the love of some 
saint or deified personage preserved in religious leg- 
ends. But it appears also impersonally in a higher 
appreciation of humanity, represented by a social 
body, as for instance in the love of one's country. 
Affected by such love the lover is prepared to sac- 
rifice his life or property for the preservation, or 
reaUzation, of the ideal object of his love. But it 
appears only in combination with a fervid devotion 
to it. 

Activity of Love. Love is shown in acts and is 
sustained by them; for life itself gains a higher 
potency in love, and the fruition of life is shown 
in acts. But the lover's attention is concentrated on 
the loved one, who thus reaps the immediate benefit 
of it. The lover must see and talk to the loved one 
and give him or her substantial tokens of his or 
her love. If we love a dead person we put flowers 
on his or her grave. If we love God we must wor- 
ship Him, and if we do not worship Him we do not 
love Him. If we love humanity we must show it in 
benevolent acts or disinterested public activity. If 
we love a dog we pet it. The giving of presents has 
always been recognized as a proper means of ex- 



36 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

pressing gratitude, but as a token of love they have 
another meaning. The lover has no gratitude to 
express and he does not mean to curry favors; he or 
she simply wishes to show his or her attention to 
the loved one and a desire to please him or her, and 
such acts cannot fail to strengthen the ties of love. 

There may be moments in a man's or woman's life 
when they are not fully convinced of their love for 
some person or human object, and in such a case 
they may prove the real nature of their feelings by 
presenting to themselves the question, whether they 
feel an inclination or desire to offer part of their own 
self or personal belonging to the object of their at- 
tention or regard. This is a conclusive test, but 
some power of introspection is needed to settle it. 

There is no passive love, it impels to action and 
is strengthened by it. But the activity of love is 
not of a social character — if it does not become so 
accidentally — for love is only concerned with the 
welfare of the loved ones. The business activity of 
a man is entirely outside his personal sphere of love 
which includes only his wife and children, though his 
business life may, to a great extent, be affected by 
his love for them and regard for their welfare. 

Evolution of Love. Love was not definitely ex- 
pressed as a single emotion of the human soul or 
mind and not distinctly differentiated from chari- 
tableness in the moral teaching of Jesus and his dis- 
ciples. But it was imphcitly revealed there as nec- 
essary for the salvation and happiness of mankind. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 37 

and the spirit of love in the maxims of Jesus ap- 
peared to the first Christians as a new revelation, 
which filled their hearts with joy. But if this pas- 
sion had not been dormant in the human mind before 
the time of Jesus the perception of it could not 
have become so perfect in the minds of the first 
Christians — as may, for instance, be inferred from 
the epistle of St. John. 

Jesus expounded the supreme importance of 
mutual sympathy, and by accepting his gospel of 
charitableness and sympathy the Christians were 
prepared for the evolution of true love, which, 
through many curious idealistic transformations and 
illusions in the Middle Ages, first commenced to ap- 
pear as a fully developed emotion in the two latest 
centuries of the Christian era. That it will attain 
to a greater perfection in the future may safely be 
assumed, considering the material and intellectual 
improvements in the social relations of mankind 
since the beginning of the present industrial era. 

That the emotion of love was but little known or 
appreciated in antiquity may be inferred from an- 
cient legends and folk-lore in which it never is found 
so clearly expressed as in the literature of the Middle 
Ages and later. Neither has it found adequate ex- 
pression in oriental literature ; and among primitive 
peoples the emotion of love finds hardly any visible 
expression.^ Under a more refined culture, and after 

^I may venture the opinion that the supposed equivalents of 
the word "love" in the old Hebraic and Greek languages never 
had the same meaning as "love" in our language. 



38 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

a more advanced evolution of human characteris- 
tics, some passions become more distinctly differ- 
entiated, and love may appear in a more developed 
state at a comparatively late stage of human pro- 
gression. But there is not in anthropology or his- 
tory anything to disprove the assumption that every 
passion, known or observed in the present genera- 
tion, has not existed in a similar or corresponding 
form throughout the ages of mankind and in any 
state of civilization. 

Love may, under certain conditions, embrace a 
larger number or groups of persons. But he who is 
inspired by such love must be fully devoted to some 
special occupation which makes his personal well- 
being and felicity dependent on it. A minister of the 
gospel or a missionary may love his adherers and 
disciples collectively, and a teacher may love his 
school of pupils; but can a man with a large family 
of young children love humanity in any more ex- 
tended sense? If it be possible we have no proof of 
it, and it is a notable fact that none of the great re- 
formers and prophets had legitimate children. 

Gautama Buddha maintained that intense pa- 
rental love was not beneficial to children and often 
a source of sorrow and disappointment to the 
parents, and this can readily be admitted when love 
is not tempered with wisdom. He advises his dis- 
ciples to love humanity as "a mother loves her only 
child." When the mind is dominated by a love of 
this character it is an easy matter to forsake all 
personal or private love attachment. But for the 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 39 

ordinary man under ordinary conditions of life the 
family ties must remain as the source of the most 
powerful emotion of love, and Gautama's conception 
of love was modified by his occupation. He was a 
reformer, and to impart the highest benefit to man- 
kind by his religious and ethical teaching was his 
only aim. Without this he could not have benefited 
humanity in any great measure, and his life as a 
common monk or citizen would have been of com- 
paratively little value. Thus the two main condi- 
tions of love — sympathy and dependency — were 
united in his occupation; and for monks and mission- 
aries generally such love is both possible and neces- 
sary. Gautama's conception of human life made it 
necessary for the will to oppose the emotions which 
tend to disturb the equipoise of the mind. The 
Stoics would not allow the emotion of love to over- 
power the counsel of wisdom or become the master 
of human actions, and it cannot be denied that when 
love is concentrated on a single object it cannot 
spread over a larger field; and there is nothing in 
history to prove that the Stoic principle in regard 
to love was not well founded and justified by ex- 
perience. But still it would not be safe to assume 
that any limitation of the emotion of love would 
improve the moral character of human life generally. 
We need only consider what the missionaries have 
accomplished in all parts of the world to believe in 
the great Christian ideal, which is love without limi- 
tations. 
It does not appear possible that love can conduce 



40 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

to a more peaceful state of society. There are no 
pacifying emotions, and love is sensitive, ungovern- 
able and active, and it is opposed to dispassionate 
friendliness or peaceful passivity: but it does not 
admit of hate and antagonism and it prevents strife 
within its own limited domain. 

Special attention is necessary as an initiative to 
sympathy, and as attention cannot be divided it 
must be directed exclusively to the object of sym- 
pathy. But this cannot be done when the mind is 
preoccupied with an object or condition which af- 
fects the more immediate interest in life ; and which 
is the case whenever the physical necessities of life 
are involved. In proportion as the physical con- 
ditions become less oppressive can sympathy spread 
to a wider field of social relations, and as the mind 
of man is relieved from the burdens of physical 
needs he becomes more sympathetic. 

Sympathy is necessary as an initiation to love, 
and the principle here stated may thus be applied 
to the emotion of love: When the attention is wholly 
centered on the needs and comforts of physical life 
it cannot be freely applied to an object of love, and 
under such conditions love must necessarily be less 
prominent or less apparent than under more favor- 
able conditions, and its subjection to material con- 
ditions may easily be observed in the relations of 
practical life, and it may be accepted as a historical 
fact that the emotion of love is weaker in the bar- 
baric and less civilized nations than in the more pro- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 41 

gressive and prosperous ones, and that it is but little 
developed in a state of degrading poverty. 

If, as at the present time, human endeavor is 
mainly directed toward means for acquiring physi- 
cal comforts this must ultimately lead to a sating 
of the craving for material comforts, and the mind 
of men will then be at liberty to concern itself more 
with a gratification of the sympathetic emotions, 
among which love holds a superior place. 

But it should also be noted that the true character 
of love is unchangeable. It is not in any manner 
affected or modified by external conditions, and love 
cannot be coerced by outside forces. There is no 
higher or lower love, no refined or rude love, no 
superficial, weak, sickly, abnormal or imperfect love ; 
it is the same in all ages and in all states of mental 
and moral culture. 

The use of the word "love" in common language 
may be accepted as superior evidence of the per- 
manency and integrity of love, for no qualifying or 
modifying expression can be used for it; and the 
question: What is Love? cannot be satisfactorily an- 
swered in a philosophical or dialectic discussion. But 
any common person with but little reasoning power 
or intellectual acumen has an innate comprehension 
of its meaning; and as far as he or she is concerned 
it is fully expressed in the single syllable "Love." 
Any woman will immediately understand the mean- 
ing of it when she hears the words: "I love you." 
And there is no more significant word in our lan- 
guage. "Affection" is often used as a substitute 



42 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

for "Love," but it does not express the meaning of 
Love. 

Love's proper function is to serve humanity in 
its progressive evolution — not to pamper the selfish- 
ness of man — and it would have no value if not con- 
nected with the realities of life. Outside this it must 
be considered as an unprofitable and transitory af- 
fection. For its natural function is not merely to 
provide a pleasant or rapturous exercise for man's 
emotional nature, and it certainly is outside its 
proper field when used as a plaything in sport for 
temporary enjoyment. In a state of temperamental 
excitement it may produce a feeling of sublime joy 
or happiness, but this is only a transitory state which 
generally is succeeded by a longer period of depres- 
sion or unhappiness. In such a state love is not 
only wasted, but it has also an injurious or dissi- 
pative effect on the natural vitality of the soul. 

Love's force and virility may appear in a useless 
or disturbing activity when not under the immediate 
control of the moral consciousness of man, but in 
its overflowing vitality we may perceive its greater 
usefulness in a more evenly balanced social order 
of coming generations. And from this viewpoint it 
may not be amiss to consider how this powerful emo- 
tion was developed in the human mind in advance 
of its greater usefulness. This problem may appear 
a little vexing to the naturalistic philosopher. 

Love, like other emotions, has its particular use 
in the ideal scheme of human evolution. The real 
benefit or service of love appears when it tends to 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 43 

promote the sociality of man, and in that respect 
love and hate may be considered as supplementary 
emotions, though operating in different directions 
and to different purposes. Love is uniting and hate 
is separating, but at the present state of human so- 
ciety it seems necessary that it shall be divided in 
groups, in order that each group may attain to 
greater perfection within its own limits, and so far 
as hate tends to maintain this division it makes pos- 
sible more congenial conditions for the cultivation of 
the emotion of love. This appears most clearly in 
the universal division of different nationalities, but 
it is equally true of smaller groups within the na- 
tional confines. 

The efficiency of love as a cultivator of the human 
isoul depends on the moral conditions which at any 
given period have become prevalent in human so- 
ciety. As a servant to morality it has no real power 
or function outside the domain of morality, but this 
does not mean that love itself can assume a moral 
character. The servant need not be related to or 
associated with the master in any way, and in his 
capacity as servant he may be of greater assistance 
to the master than if he were personally related to 
him. At various periods of the history of man we 
may observe different aspects of his moral con- 
sciousness, and it is first when this consciousness has 
advanced to higher levels that love can appear as 
an efficient factor in human progression, and it is 
only so far as it may be applied to the existing 
moral conditions that it can develop its potential 



44 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

power. Marriage is essentially and primarily a prac- 
tical institution, wholly independent of sentimental 
and religious motives, but it is just in connection 
with this practical institution that love has found 
the most effective use for its superior power and it 
has become the particular privilege of love to make 
this ancient institution of the greatest value to hu- 
manity in the later centuries of the Christian era. 

That divorces have become increasingly numerous 
in the Germanic countries, may be ascribed to a 
comparatively recent evolution of sexual love in 
the more advanced races. For passionate and 
unrequited love has a strong tendency to disrupt a 
connubial union which under other conditions would 
remain undisturbed and peaceful. 

On the other hand, it may be accepted as an indis- 
putable fact that monogamy does not depend on and 
is not conditioned or sustained by love; for in its 
almost universal prevalence there is sujfficient evi- 
dence of a deeper foundation. It is primarily based 
on man's moral consciousness and his trust in re- 
production and continual generation. And being 
maintained and cherished by the female sex gener- 
ally, there is but little probability that it will be- 
come obsolete or affected by sentimental prejudice, 
excessive idealism or decadent morals. The female 
sex is not, and probably never will be, the ruling one, 
but half of mankind is female, and woman's inter- 
est in matrimony, being primarily connected with 
her mother-instinct, may be accepted as sufficient 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 45 

guaranty for the preservation of universal mo- 
nogamy. 

In all Lutheran creeds reciprocal love is consid- 
ered as an indispensable inducement to marriage; 
and a permanent state of love is assumed possible 
and indispensable in the connubial union. But this 
assumption is not concordant with the superdomi- 
nant and arrogative love, which requires frequent 
manifestations of reciprocal sympathy or sympa- 
thetic attention, and when this active love-making 
is lacking love will gradually subside and finally be- 
come little more than a forbearing friendship be- 
tween partners, equally interested in domestic or 
parental affairs, and this is what will happen in the 
majority of connubial unions. The permanency of 
connubial love is, however, possible when at least 
one of the partners is endowed with a loving dis- 
position which remains unaffected or undisturbed 
by selfish desires, antipathetic feelings, discordant 
sentiments or an irascible temper. But however 
beneficial such a disposition may be for the main- 
tenance of amicable, social and personal relations 
and intercourse, and in every respect advantageous, 
it is not a common or prevalent attribute of the 
human mind or heart, and it cannot be relied upon 
as a dominant power in the average connubial re- 
lationship. 

A married woman would, under normal condi- 
tions, be a more competent and reliable interpreter 
of connubial love than the single person who lacks 
sufficient personal or intimate experience for an un- 



46 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

biased and comprehensive exposition of its valuable 
and enduring qualities. It is just her more inti- 
mate knowledge of it which makes the married 
woman or widow disinclined to relate her experi- 
ence for the entertainment or benefit of common and 
casual readers. 

The single woman with more or less actual ex- 
perience may feel a strong desire to enlarge upon 
this subject, particularly if she is a proficient and 
accomplished writer, and her intense inner feelings 
may impel her to produce copious and eloquent di- 
lations on sexual love ; and her consistent arguments 
may produce a strong momentary effect on the mind 
of the unsophisticated reader. But he or she may 
become equally interested when the same theme 
is discussed by some equally competent and force- 
ful writer from a different viewpoint. Any book 
may be of real value to a person with sufficient dis- 
cernment to appreciate the author's personal view- 
point. 

The Sexual Desire. If the philosophers of the 
last century had made any serious attempt to de- 
termine the real nature and character of love we 
should probably not now be in any doubt about its 
supersensual nature as distinct from, if not opposed 
to, the sexual desire or appetency. But we may come 
to this conclusion without a psychological analysis 
of love. That the sexual appetite, more than any- 
thing else, has served to the increase of mankind 
may be admitted as an indisputable fact, and this 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 47 

is in perfect accordance with the Darwinian theory 
of evolution. It has always been a dominant passion 
and a powerful incentive to the mating of the sexes, 
and there is nothing to prove that it has not been 
equally strong under all conditions of culture and 
civilization and in all races of mankind. 

But considering Love we come to quite a differ- 
ent conception of its prominence in various states 
of civilization. Among savages it is hardly per- 
ceptible, and that it has developed gradually under 
improved conditions in advanced civilizations may 
be assumed as proven in History, 

It is only in a more developed state that the 
phenomena of human life show their true character, 
and love in its higher development cannot be com- 
pared with any sensual desire, and there is nothing 
to indicate that it ever was related to sensuality. 

That the germ of love was implanted in the hu- 
man soul independent of the animal nature of man 
and his sensual faculties is made evident in all its 
manifestations. Otherwise there would be no rea- 
son why love should not appear as prominently in 
savagery as in an advanced state of civilization. 

Lovers are moved by a strong desire to be united, 
and when they embrace and kiss one another this 
desire is in some measure requited, and two per- 
sons of the same sex feel a similar satisfaction in em- 
bracing and kissing each other. But sensually ex- 
cited persons do not embrace and kiss each other, 
and they do not wish to live together. These facts 
are significant as contradictory to the theory ad- 



48 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

vanced by some Darwinian psychologists, that the 
sexual instinct of animals is discernible in their 
"human descendants" when two lovers feel a vivid 
satisfaction in embracing and kissing one another; 
and in view of the facts here mentioned it may be 
readily surmised that this naturalistic conception of 
love is based on a superficial experience, and that the 
Darwinian theory of evolution is not applicable to 
the emotion of love. 

An idle brain may breed lascivious desires, but 
they never appear in the mind of a lover, for they 
cannot subsist in a mind controlled by the emotion 
of love. Any man who has loved a woman sincerely 
will admit this. 

There is no latent sympathy in lust and therefore 
no initiative to love there. Sympathy proceeds from 
a vital relation to some other being while lust shows 
selfishness in all its manifestations and a means to 
the gratification of a selfish desire can never be an 
incentive to love. However, the sexual desire may 
occasionally lead to love when the spiritual condi- 
tions are primarily present, as when on any oc- 
casion two persons happen to come in close contact 
with one another. In the connubial union there is 
nothing to hinder sexual intercourse, but that the 
felicity of matrimony can exist independent of the 
sexual passion may easily be verified. 

The sexual passion becomes very strong when in- 
cited and not sated, and in that condition it may 
conquer love, but under normal conditions it only 
supplements it and makes it more passionate. It 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 49 

may act as a momentary stimulus on love, but it 
does not affect it in any other way. 

When a sensual desire is allayed the mind be- 
comes more receptive to the emotion of love, just as 
when a man becomes more generous when his stom- 
ach is filled with a good meal. But this is only a 
temporary effect, for he does not in fact become more 
generous by eating, and it cannot be asserted that 
his generosity and his appetite are vitally connected. 

Lust and pleasure are closely related, for lust im- 
plies a sensual pleasure; but there can be no love 
in it, and though there may be joy in love (the love 
of expansion), there can be no pleasure in it. 

In view of the here mentioned psychological facts 
it may be safely affirmed that there is no relation 
whatever between love and sexual desire and that 
the one may exist separate from and quite inde- 
pendent of the other. 

That Plato and later philosophers have tried to 
combine the two passions as two varieties of one 
passion can only be accounted for by the fact that 
the two passions find a common object in one person. 

Sensuality figures prominently in Greek mythol- 
ogy and is often characterized there as an active ele- 
ment in the sexual relation; but it was never con- 
founded with love. Eros (the god of love) has noth- 
ing in common with a Satyr, and even in this fabled 
being the sexual appetite could not be idealized in 
human form ; wherefore the Satyr was represented as 
half man and half animal. None of the great drama- 
tists and poets have confounded love and sensuality; 



50 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

but they have made no attempt to separate them, 
and from their works it cannot be seen that they have 
conceived of them as two different passions. No at- 
tempt has ever been made to unite these two pas- 
sions in folk-lore and poetry, though the carnal union 
of the two lovers is often represented as a fitting 
climax to a fervent courtship. 

Love has an invigorating and inspiring effect on 
the human mind, and it sustains it in its spiritual 
development. The sexual desire, on the other hand, 
is a sensual phenomenon of animal vitaUty, closely 
related to the pairing instinct of animals, and as 
such it is essential to the increase and natural de- 
velopment of the human race. Both are vital fac- 
tors in the social evolution of mankind; but they 
are easily separated and in no manner vitally con- 
nected or related. And that the fundamentally dif- 
ferent emotions of love and sexual desire have be- 
come closely associated in the undeveloped mind 
of the masses can readily be accounted for by the 
assumption that love was primarily engendered by 
intimate sexual relationship. 

Furthermore, as the sexual desire is prior to and 
fundamentally stronger than the emotion of love, 
the moral development of the race requires that 
the sexual impulsion be made conformable to the 
ideals of morality — the supreme ideals of true hu- 
manity; for it cannot be permanently subdued, and 
when its impulsive power is not promptly resisted 
by a ruling morality, there is no mental power strong 
enough to resist and subdue it. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 51 

The power of sexual morality is developed in that 
early or intermediate period of life when the emo- 
tion of love appears only ephemeral and weak, while 
the sexual faculties are fully developed and insistent, 
and in that period the moral conscience becomes of 
particular consequence for the maintenance of pa- 
rental responsibility in the normal and natural in- 
terrelation of the sexes. Love is the most potent 
controller of sexual impulses at any period of vig- 
orous life. 

There can be no immorality in sexual intercourse 
if practiced within proper limits (and it may be 
illegitimate without being immoral). But these lim- 
its must be carefully guarded, protected and revered. 
For progress toward man's independence of his ani- 
mal nature is based on the general tendency to curb 
and subdue it. And that the necessity of moral con- 
straint in the sexual relation has been impressed on 
the consciousness of man through successive ages is 
shown in the institution of marriage, which is recog- 
nized, maintained, and protected by all civilized peo- 
ples, as a necessity for the preservation of sexual 
morality. 

Eroticism is not love, and no trace of it appears 
in true love. Its place is between lust and love, and 
it signifies a higher state of sexual dependency than 
the purely physical dependency; but it is void of 
sympathy and differs therefore essentially from sex- 
ual love. There is no erotic love, for the two emo- 
tions cannot combine and the one excludes the other 



52 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

— though they may alternately dominate the mind, 
and an erotic predisposition may react on the deeper 
feelings and make love more passionate. The use 
of the two words impHes two distinct emotions, of 
which only one can be love. The vulgar idea of 
"two kinds of love" only proves a lack of under- 
standing of the true nature of love or an improper 
use of the words. 

Eroticism is an affection of the mind caused by 
the sexual instinct before it finds its proper consum- 
mation in conjunction with the other sex. It is pri- 
marily a mental excitation from certain physical 
conditions which react on the consciousness of man. 
In other words, it is impossible for an emasculated 
person to feel any erotic emotion. But though it 
is entirely dominated by physical conditions it is 
not distinctly sensual, and it is often impersonal. 
On the other hand, it is far removed from the emo- 
tion of love, which is not in the least dependent on 
physical conditions. 

Eroticism is probably as old as history. It does 
not appear in Egyptian mythology, but it is very 
prominent in Greek mythology, and less distinctly 
so in the Krishna cult of India. In the Greek and 
Roman world it found expression in many erotic 
abnormities, which probably reached their climax 
at the beginning of the Christian era. But in the 
Christianized countries of Europe sensuality in any 
form was regarded as incompatible with the ideals 
of Christianity, and as far as this sentiment pre- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 53 

vailed it prepared the way for the evolution of 
sexual love. 

The term "erotic" is properly applied to an emo- 
tion of the male sex, but it may be applied to a 
corresponding female emotion by the addition of 
some qualifying term, such as "female eroticism." 
However, the eroticism of woman is very different 
from that of man. This emotion cannot germinate 
or grow in the female mind, but it may appear there 
as a reflection of man's eroticism — as when an inert 
body comes in contact with a physical source of 
energy. At any rate, it is no part of the female 
mind, though a woman may occasionally simulate 
man's eroticism as a concession to his erotic pas- 
sion and a desire to please him, and she may accept 
it from her suitor as evidence of sexual affinity, not 
connected with the deeper feeling of love and quite 
inappropriate as a prelude to it. The erotic emo- 
tion may act as a stimulant on love when that emo- 
tion is weak or ephemeral, but pure love needs no 
such stimulant, and it cannot be a precursor or ini- 
tiator to it. 

Young persons are probably mutually attracted 
by sexual differences, and it is often observable in 
immature womanhood. This attraction adds to the 
pleasures of social parties and dances; but the sex- 
ual sympathy is quite independent of any erotic 
emotion. 

Most young women find some pleasure or satisfac- 
tion in playing with man's erotic emotion, and it 
seems quite natural; but it would be impossible for 



54 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

a woman if she were affected by that emotion her- 
self, and there is no suggestion of it in her behavior. 
A habitual flirt, however, is only a rare exception, 
and she is, as a rule, a very prosaic and unemotional 
woman. 

It would probably be impossible for a woman to 
have any clear conception of eroticism, but if she 
could be induced to make an attempt at it, her an- 
swer or explanation would help to establish the fact, 
that the erotic emotion is wholly confined to the 
male sex.^ 

That a sort of eroticism may appear in a sickly 
or morbid state of mind is of no account in normal 
psychology, though it may have some special in- 
terest in abnormal psychology and for the observer 
of mental disease. 

Woman may feel the sexual impulse as strongly 
as man, but it will not excite any erotic emotion 
in the female mind. The sexual desire, however, im- 
plies an emotion of a lower order — a sexual emo- 
tion — which may appear in both sexes, though more 
prominently in man. While she may feel delight 
or pleasure by the gratification of it, she cannot feel 

* An exposition or definition of eroticism would be out of place 
here, but a very interesting discussion of it, based on historical 
facts, can be found in Emil Lueka's Eros. His treatment of it, 
however, is rather indefinite and too much poetically embellished 
for the sober and prosaic analysis of elementary psychology; and 
his tentative prognostication that a natural and synthetic con- 
nection between love and sexual desire may eventually become 
possible is not supported by common experience or the experience 
of common people. And our psychological evolution apparently 
proceeds toward differentiation — not a synthetic combination of 
fundamentally different impulses. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 55 

the pleasure of an erotic emotion even if she has 
some intuitive perception of it. Her feelings may- 
be divided between lust and love, but they never 
coalesce, though it may appear. possible in the imag- 
ination of an idealist or in the dreamy perception of 
a continent woman. 

A brother's love for, or sympathy with, his sister 
has its beginning before the sexual instinct is awake 
and is therefore prior to the erotic emotion, which 
as an inferior or non-sympathetic emotion cannot 
enter the sphere of love or replace it, and the con- 
genial relation between brother and sister is, there- 
fore, unaffected by it. 

Consequent to the romantic love of the middle 
ages there appeared in the cultured and refined 
classes a strong esthetic sentiment in favor of vir- 
ginity, and which sentiment is still very prominent 
as regards a condition of female "purity." It does 
not involve any sentiment of sympathy or love, but 
it has an erotic value for a large part of the male 
sex and a decided ethical value in the female mind ; 
and it will probably retain its esthetic value in 
poetry and wherever poetic or idealistic sentiments 
prevail. But it is also of some real value for the 
lover in so far as its absence in the young woman he 
loves is almost a certain indication that he would 
not be the only acceptable lover. It may lessen his 
admiration for her, but this would be of little mo- 
ment, for such admiration is born by a fanciful 
imagination, and that it does not survive the con- 
jugal union will probably be generally conceded. 



56 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

Love in Ancient Greece. An unusual state of love 
existed in ancient Greece. The love of boys or young 
men was deemed far superior to the natural affec- 
tion between men and women, and in conjunction 
with admiration of the masculine virtues and phys- 
ical perfection it acquired great strength and vi- 
rility. 

The comparatively low mental condition of the 
female sex and the neglect of education for women 
was probably sufficient reason for this unusual affec- 
tion for young men among the intelligent and edu- 
cated citizens of Hellas. It may be considered as an 
incipient development of true love — not a degenera- 
tion. For while Hellas had advanced to a high state 
of mental culture, it was in other respects just 
emerging from a previous oriental state, in which 
love seldom appears outside the narrow limits of 
sexual and parental affection. From Plato's Sym- 
posium it appears that such love was common in 
the intellectual atmosphere of Athens, and that 
the love of women was relegated to an inferior state 
of society. From an esthetic admiration of the 
human body it often passed into a sensuous affec- 
tion, and such intercourse was not considered im- 
moral if the lovers were united by a bond of true 
love, and it was deemed proper and honorable to 
gratify any desire of a sincere lover. Such conduct 
and such principles would not find any sanction 
now; but this may be said of many other ethical 
conceptions of antiquity. It was customary in Hellas 
to leave the education of boys and young men to an 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 57 

older person versed in science and art, and the rela- 
tion of pupil to teacher became more intimate than 
that of a father to his son. But it appears from the 
Symposium that such relations were not considered 
proper or desirable by aU parents.^ 

The following excerpts from the Symposium may 
serve as pointers to the Platonic conception of love 
and its ethical and legal scope in ancient Greece. 

"Love is inseparable from Aphrodite. There are 
two of them, the heavenly and the common" — 
"The heavenly Aphrodite is a daughter of Uranius 
the older, and has no mother. The younger Aphro- 
dite is of Zeus and Dione and called common." — 
". . . and such persons, in the first place, love 
women not less than boys; they love the body 
rather than the mind." — "There is evil and hon- 
orable love: evil loves the body rather than the 
soul, ... he is inconstant, while the love of the 
noble mind is life-long." — "It is more honorable to 
love openly than in secret, and he is allowed by the 
law to do so without reproach as performing some 

*If we consider the Platonic society as a leading factor in the 
ethical culture at that time, it would appear from the Symposium 
that the public mind had just commenced to turn against 
pederasty. The fact that it could prevail for centuries becomes 
less perplexing when man is considered as an unnatural being. 
In the whole history of the race there cannot be found a single 
custom, mode of conduct or propensity which harmonizes with 
or may be compared with the natural mode of life of any animal, 
and we are therefore quite justified in placing man outside the 
general conception of nature. At any rate it would be quite 
impossible, in respect of man, to determine which custom, man- 
ner of living or habit should be 'considered as natural in contra- 
distinction from others to be termed unnatural. But it must be 
admitted, in deference to morality, that a deep feeling of loathing 
or disgust has made pederasty almost impossible in America. 



68 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

very honorable act." — "For it does not seem to be 
sexual intercourse that the one should, for the sake 
of that, be delighted with the company of the other, 
and lay together by night." — "For when they are full 
grown such alone turn out men as regards political 
affairs. . . ." — "But when they have become men 
they feel a love for young persons, and do not turn 
their thoughts to marriage and child-getting natu- 
rally, but are led by the force of custom and law, 
although it would be sufficient for them to continue 
to live unmarried." — "In Jonia and many other 
places (where persons live under the barbarians) it 
is held to be dishonorable ... for it is not, I con- 
ceive, to the interest of the rulers that high thoughts 
should be engendered in their subjects, nor strong 
friendship formed, nor societies in common ; here the 
laws are placed on a better footing." — "The love of 
young boys should be forbidden by law." — "Secret 
love is dishonorable in Athens." — "A hasty attach- 
ment is held to be dishonorable."-:-"Your lover has 
an appetite and wants to feed upon you." — "They 
then, said Vulcan, who have a yearning according 
to the body, turn themselves rather to women and 
are in this way given to love affairs." — One of the 
debaters (a physician) remarks: "The great physi- 
cian is he who is able to separate fair love from foul, 
and convert one into the other." But he does not 
explain how it may be done. — (Vulcan to the lovers) 
"Do you desire to be as much as possible in the 
same place with each other, so as never, by night or 
day, to be apart from each other? If ye long for 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 59 

this, I am willing to melt you down together, and to 
mold you into the same mass, so that ye two may 
become one. . . ." — Agatho says: "Mankind has 
never understood the power of love, for if they had 
understood him they would surely have built noble 
temples and altars and offered solemn sacrifices in 
his honor." — Diotima (Socrates) says: "There is no 
reason in love, he is a god of might or he is no god 
at all. Love is between mortal and immortal a great 
damon, an interpreter between man and god, by it 
all have been bound together into one." — "One wise 
in love is a damon-like man, neither beautiful, good 
or wise, still appears to himself all-suflBcient. . . ." 
— "Every one sees that love is a desire." — "The 
power of love is in the desire of personal beauty." 
— "That which is always flowing in is always flow- 
ing out, so he (love) is never either in want or in 
wealth. He is likewise in a middle place between 
wisdom and ignorance." — "Love is not, as you may 
imagine, the love of the beautiful alone." — "Love 
desires not only the good but the everlasting pos- 
session of the good." — "The lover will not brook 
any superiority or equality on the part of the be- 
loved, inferiority enhances the deHght of the lover." 
— "He (love) is not like the gods in possession of 
things good and fair, but he wants them and desires 
them, and so also deny the divinity of love." — 
". . . born of a rich and wise father and a poor and 
ignorant mother." — "Like aU spirits he has no de- 
sire for that for which he feels no want . . . they 
love not what is their own but what is another's." 



60 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

— "The lover of the beautiful is not himself beau- 
tiful." — "All humans yearn, as regards the body and 
soul ; and when they arrive at maturity nature longs 
to beget." — "For the begetting is through the con- 
nection of a man and woman. But this is a god- 
like act, and is in a mortal animal an immortal 
act." — "So that it is a necessity for love to be a 
lover of wisdom and for a lover of wisdom to be be- 
tween the wise and the ignorant." — ". . . but as re- 
gards the rest, we make an improper use of other 
names." — ". . . love is generation because it is a 
sort of eternity and immortality to the mortal, 
wherefor love is of immortality . . . love of immor- 
tality, fame and an eternal name." — It is necessary 
then from this reasoning, that there is a love like- 
wise of immortality." — "Artists even love, because 
lovers of all beautiful forms." — "But you may say 
generally that all desire of good and happiness is 
only the great and subtle power of love." — "But as 
regards the rest, we make an improper use of other 
names. One part of love is separated off and re- 
ceives the name of the whole, but the other parts 
have other names." — "Poetry is only applied to 
music and meter and called poetry, and so with 
love." — (Diotima to Socrates) "Do you not perceive 
how vehemently all brute animals are affected, when 
they feel such a desire to breed, both beasts and 
birds? How they are all sick and lovely disposed, 
in the first place to have a connection with each 
other; and afterwards to rear their offspring; and 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 61 

how ready in their behalf the weaker are to fight 
against the strongest, and to die for them. ..." 

If we accept the Socratic part of the discussion as 
representing Socrates' conception of love it does 
not appear that he had discovered the true nature 
of it. His philosophical conception of this emotion 
seems altogether too general and indefinite, as em- 
bracing much for which other names may be used 
more appropriately and admitting of special defi- 
nitions. 

Nothing is gained by collecting different psychic 
phenomena under one nominal heading, to agree 
with some indeterminate scientific principle, or to 
comprehend them as different forms of one univer- 
sal conception. The psychologist should pay par- 
ticular attention to the metaphoric and comparative 
expressions used in common language, for there is 
not one of them which may not serve as a starting 
point and guide for individually distinct conceptions. 
The human language may be viewed as a compen- 
dium of human wisdom expressed in symbolic and 
compressed forms, and he who would improve upon 
it should not attempt it without a clear cognition 
of the soundness of his own premises. 

Between the time of Socrates and the present time 
the various emotions have become more distinctly 
differentiated, and the modern languages have made 
more distinct definitions possible. Admiration is 
not love ; we may admire beauty, strength, wisdom, 
etc., but we do not necessarily love a person en- 
dowed with fine qualities of mind or body, though 



62 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

they may strengthen our love for him. We do not 
love a person because he is good, wise or beautiful, 
though we may enjoy his company. We may enjoy 
and desire many things which we do not love, but 
there is no love in enjoyment of any kind. There 
is no love in a desire for immortality or an eternal 
name. All desires of this kind are closely related 
to pride. It is nothing but an enjoyment of the 
imagination which is more satisfying than the very 
common emotion of pride, which certainly has noth- 
ing in common with love. 

"Desire" is a "natural longing to possess any seem- 
ing good." The desire of love implies a spiritual or 
supersensual want, or certain deficiencies in the 
lover's emotional nature and corresponding or com- 
plementary perfections in the personality of the be- 
loved one, and a strong desire to strengthen or re- 
plete such weakness or deficiencies in intimate as- 
sociation and converse with the beloved one. But 
in its more comprehensive meaning there is no im- 
plication of love in desire, or of any other emotion. 
A desire may be strong, passionate, burning, sexual 
or sensual, but it is not emotional per se. It is, 
however, discernible in all selfish emotions but not 
particularly prominent in love, and to consider it as 
a characteristic element in love would be unreason- 
able and confusing. 

The esthetic emotion caused by a sensual percep- 
tion of the beautiful was also included in the So- 
cratic conception of love, and this shows a complete 
misunderstanding of its essential nature; for though 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 63 

this emotion may, as an accessory to love, tend to 
make it more passionate, it is in other respects quite 
independent of it. 

When the philosopher sees no reason in love he 
sees as much of it as anybody else is able to see 
there, but lack of reason makes an investigation or 
analysis rather hard for a mind which is full of rea- 
son. 

His argument in favor of animal love may have 
served as a prototype for all subsequent philosophi- 
cal and quasi-philosophical arguments on this sub- 
ject. The sexual instinct is highly developed in all 
animals, and in the higher species the maternal in- 
stinct is also very prominent. But there is no love 
in instinct, for love, like other emotions, can only 
appear in a conscious state, though it may have its 
root in an instinct. There may be an instinctive 
sympathy, but there is no instinctive love. Only 
by imagining the animal sympathy as human — or 
conscious — can such a thing as animal love appear 
in the mind of a philosopher when he ventures into 
the field of psychology. 

An emotion is not an ebullition of blind feelings 
but a characteristic and conscious state of the hu- 
man mind; and it is only by imagination that the 
emotional feelings are aroused. Can there be any 
imagination in the animal mind? Can a love which 
is hardly perceptible in primitive man be a control- 
ling force in the mind of an animal and show itself 
in its behavior? Can there be any love in the hen's 
care of its young chicks or in the cat's care for its 



64 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

kittens? If you take one of them and kill it in 
sight of its mother she does not show any emotion 
at all, but a total indifference. Does that remind 
you of a mother's love? The only suitable answer 
to these questions is, that anything is possible for 
the human imagination — even for the imagination 
of a philosopher. But who would say that the ani- 
mals love their young ones? Even the philosophers 
themselves would not say so, for if they did they 
would be conscious of saying something which did 
not agree with the feelings and experience of com- 
mon people; and so it seems necessary, on that ac- 
count at least, to make some distinction between 
common sense and academic philosophy. It may, 
however, be asserted without fear of philosophical 
contradiction, that love, as we know it, does not exist 
outside the human race and its human ideals. 

Love of Country. There is a love of higher order, 
or more elevated, than common personal love. It is 
the love of country, of the fatherland. It may show 
the supreme nature of love even better than the love 
of the Christian faith, for it is more truly human, 
and it is also less changeable than personal love be- 
cause inspired by an unchangeable object. Being 
separate from baser emotions it may be viewed as 
a distinct psychic phenomenon, and thus its true 
character easily defined. 

The conception "Fatherland" implies an inde- 
pendent and self-regulating social union of all the 
people who live in the country where we are born 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 65 

and brought up with its traditions, language, cus- 
toms and institutions, and where a certain national 
spirit has been dominant through centuries. 

It may also easily be shown that the preliminary 
requirements of love are present in the individual's 
relation to the country where he is born and has 
his residence. He has associated with its inhabi- 
tants and has become intimately acquainted with 
their manners, morals and special characteristics and 
the conditions of life prevailing there, and all these 
conditions have been effective in molding his 
thoughts, character and personality. He feels at 
home there, while outside it in other parts of the 
world different manners, customs and language make 
him feel the isolation of a stranger. As long as he 
resides in his own country he does not feel and is 
not conscious of his personal attachment to it. But 
it will be forcibly impressed upon him when he 
leaves it to seek a home or a dwelling place in some 
other part of the world. 

It is this subjective sympathy with the character 
and spirit of the fatherland which inspires a love 
for it. But no emotion appears in a passive or con- 
tented state of mind, it only arises under the stimu- 
lation of a desire or longing for its object, and in 
the case here considered it becomes very ardent in 
connection with the spirit of patriotism when the 
fatherland is in danger, and is made manifest in 
energetic action in defense of it, and thus it may be 
compared with the more common parental or sexual 
love or, poetically, with the love of children for their 



66 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

mother. The subtile character of this love is not 
easily defined, but it has often been expressed in 
poetry, and it breathes through every national 
anthem. 

An example from common experience will show 
how this love is affected by material and social con- 
ditions: A young man is impelled to leave his na- 
tive country because the economic conditions there 
do not offer him the means of a comfortable exist- 
ence. He seeks a home in a foreign country, where 
he learns to speak its language and becomes familiar 
with the customs, manners, morals and ideals of the 
people living there, and he becomes intimately at- 
tached to this country. But he can still sympathize 
with the old country in its international affairs when 
it becomes involved in war with another country 
because he feels that its cause is just. But he is not 
disposed to fight and die for it, for his love has been 
transferred to the country where he has found a 
home and material welfare. His sympathy is with 
the old country, but he does not love it; for he is in 
no way dependent on it now, and where dependency 
is lacking there can be no love. On the other hand, 
when he lived in the old country he did not sym- 
pathize with it and he did not feel any dependence 
on it, for those feelings were submerged and dis- 
solved in his love. 

In time of war love of the fatherland is obscured 
by other emotions, as national pride, hate of the 
enemy, revengefulness and the passions of self-pres- 
ervation and independence; and it should be ob- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 67 

served that pure love never leads to action, if not 
combined with one or more inferior emotions. But 
in such combination it is the vital element and the 
primary source of action. 

Love of Occupation. When a man feels impelled 
to work for the support and comfort of his family 
there must be some love in his relation to them for 
the impulsion of duty must be inspired by love. 
But he may also be, and generally is, intensely in- 
terested in his work or occupation for its own sake 
independent of family ties, and the employment of 
his intellectual and bodily faculties in his occupa- 
tion may be of vital importance for his individual 
well-being and happiness, and when a man becomes 
absorbed in his work or business it may truly be said 
that he loves it. The bond between himself and his 
business is of a vital nature; for if it is cut by an 
unfortunate incident and he is separated from it a 
vital part of his interest in life is gone. A man with 
a business, trade or profession is partner in a living 
social organization, but without any occupation he 
is only an isolated individual of no account from a 
social point of view, and he has himself a distinct 
perception of this isolation. He is therefore in a 
deeper sense dependent on his business as a means of 
maintaining a sympathetic relation to humanity. 
The love of his work or occupation is therefore not 
essentially different from personal love, but it has 
a wider scope on account of its social and ethical 
character. It might be termed socialistic if that 



68 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

term had not been used for a conjectural improve- 
ment of social and economical relations. 

The sympatic relation between a worker and his 
work is of vital importance for the progress and 
civilization of human society, for it is this sym- 
pathy that enables him to take a special interest 
in his work, and his capacity for it is thereby greatly 
increased. No detail is overlooked or neglected, and 
he becomes on that account a more efficient and 
useful worker than he possibly would be if he were 
only interested in it as a means of making a liveli- 
hood for himself and his family. In this, as in other 
forms of human activity, whether personal or social, 
an element of love is indispensable, for it is the 
vitalizing germ in all human endeavor. 

This intimate attachment to one's occupation is 
still more evident in scientific research and in the 
passion of inventors in their endeavor to produce 
something new and useful for the advancement of 
humanity. Self-interest is here combined with a 
vivid sympathy with the needs of humanity, and 
this combination has a most remarkable effect on 
the minds of men so engaged. It is shown in their 
unfaltering attention and devotion to the object of 
their endeavor, which in many respects resembles 
the emotion of true love. 

In the occupation of a painter or sculptor it often 
happens that the artist becomes enamoured in the 
creation of his genius ; but it is really his sympathy 
with the human feelings or emotions expressed in it 
which reacts on his own mind. Constant and ex- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 69 

elusive attention to his work makes it possible for 
such emotion to dominate his mind and inspire a 
feeling of love for its object. The occupation of 
an artist is primarily based on his own perceptions 
and sympathies, but in his struggle for recognition 
he must pay special attention to the public mind 
and its sympathetic bent; and thus his own sym- 
pathies become diversified. But when he becomes 
infatuated by a product of his art his sympathy 
with humanity ceases, and his career as a working 
artist is blocked. He cannot be so affected by the 
work of some other artist, for in his relation to that 
the element of dependency is lacking. It is only 
possible in his relation to a product of his own mind 
and art which represents his personal feelings, emo- 
tions and efforts — ^his own child, as it were. But 
as there can be no interchange of feelings between 
the artist and his work "adoration" would probably 
express the emotion of the artist more correctly than 
"love." 

The expression "self-love" may be found in dic- 
tionaries, but it is a misnomer and should not have 
been admitted there. We cannot love our own self, 
for all the necessary requirements of love are absent 
there. The first requirement is an interrelation be- 
tween two parties, and the second is some essential 
difference in their characters. None of these condi- 
tions are possible in self-love. But some unusual and 
abnormal condition may possibly permit the use 
of this expression. Namely, when a person imagines 
that he is something else than what he really is, 



70 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

for in that case there may appear a sort of love be- 
tween the real and the unreal self. But such an un- 
usual illusion would not be recognized in common 
language; and the expression is never used there, 
though it may occasionally appear in literature. It 
may be hard, and sometimes impossible, to find an 
altogether suitable name, but a wrong and mislead- 
ing name should be avoided. ''Self-regard" would 
be a better name in this case, if less pleasing to the 
ear and otherwise not quite satisfactory. 

Love is entirely absent in any feeling of a non- 
emotional character; but if there be any emotion in 
self-regard it is the human and conscious temper 
of self-preservation, which may become very pas- 
sionate and emotional, but which is distinctly dif- 
ferent from love. "Self-love" is supposed to desig- 
nate a combination of selfishness with some moral 
elements, but this would be more correctly ex- 
pressed in "self-regard." So the difference between 
the two expressions can only be in some fine dis- 
tinction between their moral elements, and self-love 
cannot be defined in any way essentially different 
from the definition of selfishness. 



HATE AND HATRED 

Introductory Remarks. The energy of a human 
being is expended in efforts to improve the physical 
and spiritual conditions and resources of human life, 
which in itself is a continuous process of advance- 
ment, improvement and sustenance of the human 
self, (the spiritual part of man), and it is co-eval 
with human consciousness. This self is a compound 
of many different and semi-independent elements — 
virtually independent but vitally connected in a 
dynamic system. The spiritual and material ele- 
ments in this system are not distinctively separated ; 
though easily differentiated; and it is in the pre- 
dominant spiritual elements that human nature is 
revealed. 

Human nature is represented by, and composed of, 
the passions, which operate through and are made 
manifest in the emotions, wherein the energy of hu- 
man life finds its characteristic expression, while the 
protection and sustenance of the physical system is 
guided bv the human instincts and the senses. 

An emotion signifies a particular state of mind un- 
der conditions involving the personal welfare of 
man, physical or mental, either immediate or in 
sympathetic connection with other human beings. 
These conditions may be real or imaginary, but it 

71 



72 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

is only through the imagination that an emotion is 
awakened. A person without any imagination would 
be quite unemotional, but the presumption would 
be impossible, for as a function of human conscious- 
ness, imagination cannot be separated from it. 

Man is a social being and human beings cannot 
live in isolation. In such a state he would certainly 
be animalized, but he would not turn into an animal 
— he would simply cease to Uve when his store of 
spiritual energy had been exhausted ; for man is not 
a product of natural evolution, and the assumption 
of animal progenity is refuted by psychology. 

All higher emotions are co-eval with the conscious- 
ness of the self as a vital part of society — a moral 
consciousness; while the lower emotions pertain 
essentially to the individual self. For instance : love, 
hate, envy and pride would be classed with the 
higher emotions, while fear of personal safety, ava- 
rice and the sexual desire would be placed in the 
lower class of emotions. 

There is nothing in history or folk-lore to indi- 
cate that the lower passions and emotions were not 
as potent and active in antiquity as in later ages or 
at the present time. Neither is there anything to 
prove that their strength or power has diminished. 
If they do not appear so prominent and vigorous 
now this may be ascribed to the controlling power 
of a more developed judgment and wisdom, or the 
restraining influence of a higher civilization. But 
there is abundant evidence that the higher and sym- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 73 

pathetic emotions have become far more potent in 
later ages. 

That both the higher and lower emotions are 
readily excited and may become detrimental or in- 
jurious to the higher development of human life is 
unquestionable. If they be considered as manifes- 
tations of human energy, apart from their useful- 
ness, then they may indicate an excess of energy, 
which under the full control of reason would become 
useful; just as an abundance of potential force is 
the first condition required for a progressive evo- 
lution in any direction, but which may become de- 
structive or impeding when not controlled by a re- 
straining force. 

The Natural Function of Hate. According to the 
principle of pragmatism Hate is an emotion to pro- 
tect the integrity of the human personality and its 
social, national and racial affinities and relationship. 

Hatred has some of the characteristics of Hate, 
but it is not a distinct emotion, only an intensive 
feeling of dislike or aversion, or an inimical senti- 
ment. It appears in relations of an impersonal char- 
acter or those in which the personal safety or weU- 
being is not immediately involved. 

When we have a perception of another person's 
feelings or motives, and they have a pleasant or 
agreeable effect on us, we say that we sympathize 
with him, or like him, but if they have an opposite 
or painful effect we express it by saying that we do 
not like him; so the difference between sympathy 



74 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

and antipathy is only a difference in our sympathetic 
feelings. But the emotion of Hate requires, as 
a prehminary condition, a feeling of dependence of 
its object, of the same nature as that of Love, but 
with this difference, that sympathy is replaced by 
antipathy, which makes dependence of the hated 
object repugnant and painful instead of pleasing. 

Against a person who can neither injure or benefit 
us, physically or morally, there is no need of pro- 
tection, and we cannot hate him. We cannot hate 
a person to whom we are not in a spiritual sense 
related, and though it is not impossible for us to 
hate a non-human being it only becomes possible 
by imagining some human characteristics in it. We 
could not hate a person with whom we cannot sym- 
pathize at all. Though we may imagine such a case 
it does not exist in reality; for the difference in in- 
dividuals is not in their real nature, but in more or 
less developed qualities, of which none are entirely 
lacking in any one of them, and in every human 
being we may find some characteristics which cor- 
respond with those of our own self. But what we 
hate is only those which under certain conditions 
may harm us and of which we have an intuitive per- 
ception. Our antipathy to some stranger may be 
designated as Hatred, but if we in any way be- 
come dependent of him our antipathy is changed 
into Hate. 

We cannot hate a person of whose character or 
disposition we have no knowledge or perception, but 
p,n imperfect knowledge is often supplemented by a 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 75 

suspicious imagination, which is always ready to 
imagine unfriendly or hostile motives in the behavior 
or attitude of a stranger. This may excite our an- 
tipathy or hatred, and it proves that the human 
self is always ready to protect itself against any in- 
jury to its integrity or individuality, and that it 
will not allow itself to be exposed to it. 

We may hate a person whose actions or dispo- 
sition in no way affect our own self directly, but 
who shows an unjust or malicious disposition toward 
one of our dear ones. For our sympathy with the 
beloved person is intensified by our love for him, 
and in our imagination we may feel the pain of his 
emotion as keenly as in our personal experience of it. !, 

The sentiment of Hate is repellant, and it be- * | 

comes more strongly so when practical conditions 
make a complete separation from the hated object 
impossible, and under such conditions it becomes an- 
tagonistic by the slightest provocation. But it can- 
not be defensive where there is no notion of an at- 
tack, and it cannot be offensive without a motive, 
which proves the protective character of pure 
Hate. 

A lover is attracted to his object, but Hate serves 
to separate those of different mind and character 
who cannot live together and associate in a friendly 
and peaceful manner. 

We may designate Love as an active passion or 
emotion, but pure Hate is distinctly passive. We 
do not desire to harm the person we hate, but we 
do not wish him any luck, and we feel pleased and 



76 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

satisfied when some misfortune befalls him. But 
the true character of Hate is shown most distinctly 
in the satisfaction we feel when the hated person 
dies; for when that happens his obstructive or de- 
structive influence on our personal integrity is defi- 
nitely removed, and when there is nothing left to 
stimulate the emotion of hate we cease hating — 
even in memory. 

It happens not infrequently that ardent love is 
changed into burning hate when a trusting lover 
perceives that the beloved one has deceived him or 
her by an insincere attitude or behavior. Love will 
then be displaced by scorn or despite, but if it was 
firmly rooted there remains a feeling of dependence 
of the false lover which may become quite unbear- 
able; and in such a case the emotion of Hate ap- 
pears as a countervail and the only effective means 
to free the mind of this painful feeling. But if the 
temper of hate is lacking in the character of the 
disillusioned lover he or she may decide to take 
the life of the false lover as the only means of es- 
cape from mental misery, and feels impelled to do 
this when the pain of mental dependency becomes 
quite unbearable. When the slayer is tried and con- 
victed in a court of justice he or she is, as a rule, 
acquitted or exculpated of criminal intent, and this 
would appear concordant with the psychological ex- 
planation of the case as here presented. 

Sympathy cannot be the cause of hate, but it does 
not exclude envy, which is occasionally shown in 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 77 

rejoicing when a minor misfortune befalls the ob- 
ject of our sympathy. This envy, however, is not 
malicious. But it is concerned with another per- 
son's happiness or contentment when it interferes 
with our sympathy for him and leaves it deficient. 
It has been characterized as malevolent sympathy; 
but this is misleading, for sympathy is merely a 
directing force, which cannot assume a malevolent 
character. There are, however, some persons who 
will not hesitate to harm a comrade, near relative or 
associate just for the satisfaction of feeling a more 
vivid sympathy for him, and such action may cer- 
tainly be characterized as malicious. 

While hate protects the individual self, it also pre- 
vents any communion with the hated person and 
thus a knowledge of that part of his character and 
personality which otherwise would excite the hater's 
sympathy. But attraction and repulsion are prob- 
ably complementary parts in man's social relation- 
ship, where love and hate appear as predominant 
emotions. For it is only by practical limitations 
that any perfection becomes possible, and it would 
be idle to presume an anomaly in the constitution 
of human nature. 

Hate is distinguished from other higher emotions 
by a total lack of sympathy, and the passivity of 
pure hate is a natural consequence of this. But in 
its combination with inferior emotions this passiv- 
ity turns into an aggressive activity — except in com- 
bination with disgust, which acts with hate as an 



78 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

impelling power in the opposite direction — as in de- 
fensive opposition to a disgusting non-human being.^ 

Hate in Combination with Other Emotions. Like 
other elemental emotions Hate remains passive if 
not reenforced by some inferior emotion, as, for in- 
stance, in combination with fear, jealousy, envy, 
pride, disgust and revengef ulness ; and in combina- 
tion with any of these hatred is converted into the 
stronger emotion of hate. 

Hate and repugnance are not very different emo- 
tions, and they are the only ones which cannot under 
any condition enter the sphere of love. 

Hate is not in itself a violent emotion, and merely 
as a protective emotion it cannot become aggressive, 
but it may easily become so in conjunction with 
other emotions. If we fear and hate a person our 
hate may by the shghtest provocation overcome our 
fear and become active, and in that state we feel 
impelled to protect ourselves by active resistance 
or violent aggression. 

A combination of hate and pride produces a viru- 
lent antagonism and leads to revengef ulness ; for 
wounded pride is exceedingly sensitive and it be- 
comes more so when the wound is inflicted by a 
hated person. 

Hostility is not in itself an active emotion, and it 

^The mature and active mind is always dominated by some 
passion, which will remain dominant until it has become less affec- 
tive, and it may then be replaced by some other passion which 
in the meantime has gained siifficient strength to be the con- 
trolling one. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 79 

does not exclude sympathy; but in conjunction with 
hate and hatred it becomes active and merciless. 

A combination of hate and jealousy has a similar 
effect. But jealousy of love is a stronger emotion 
than hate, and when they combine it absorbs the 
hate and becomes itself so virulent and unbearable 
that it finds reUef only in the death of the hated 
rival. 

Disgust is a much stronger emotion than hate, 
and when they combine hate is submerged and dis- 
gust is changed into a pitiful abomination — not 
merely repellent, but which compels the affected 
person to avoid the hated object, and the protective 
power of Hate becomes void in this combination. 

Evolution of Hate. Love and hate are sympathetic 
emotions of the highest order. They do not ap- 
pear as distinct emotions before the sympathetic 
faculty has been sufficiently developed, and in their 
further development they appear as concomitant 
psychic functions, and as such they probably would 
appear far beyond the era of ancient history. To a 
casual or superficial observer Hate may appear pre- 
dominant long before the appearance of Love as a 
distinct emotion, but this assumption would cer- 
tainly rest on a misconception of hate. There is 
nothing to prove, and it cannot in a single instance 
be assumed that hate was the primary cause of an- 
tagonism and warfare in remote antiquity, and it 
never has been the only or effectual cause of war. 
Greed, revenge, the craving of political self-determi- 



80 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

nation, power, conquest and expansion, fierce relig- 
ious sentiments and national pride are more potent 
emotions than hate; and hate has not appeared, 
even as a contributary cause of warfare, in an age 
or country where Love had not a contrary effect. 
Ferocity, revenge and greed are predominant mo- 
tives to war among savages, but these emotions 
exclude Hate, and savages cannot hate.^ 

All real progress, in any direction, is made under 
the guidance of some ideal conception, some idea 
of perfection visualized by the human mind, and man 
accomplishes nothing great if his thoughts and efforts 
are not directed by some ideal, and guided by an 
idealistic vision he steers in the direction best suited 
for the utilization and development of his moral and 
practical faculties. This is equally true of personal, 
ethical and reUgious ideals, and therein lies the 
moral necessity for individuals and nations to pro- 
tect their ideals against impairment or defilement 
in contact with inferior or divergent ideals. 

From this viewpoint the primary cause of all hate 
may be traced to the interference of different ideals 
— just as the evolution of love proceeds primarily 
from a sympathetic correlation of ideals. 

It also becomes evident from this viewpoint that 
hate and love cannot appear as distinct emotions 

* The characterization .of hate as here presented is universally 
applicable, but it may appear more convincing when applied to a 
special case which at the present time is agitating the public 
mind. Thus in the national relation of Ireland to Great Britain 
we may observe all the potential conditions of Hate, as a verifica- 
tion of the principles here stated; and I also think they are en- 
titled to consideration from a political standpoint. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 81 

at an early stage of moral and social evolution; for 
they must follow the evolution of ideals which first 
appear in a more developed state of social con- 
sciousness.^ 

Love and hate may be viewed as opposite but fun- 
damentally conjugated emotions, and though, in the 
light of history and anthropology, hate may appear 
as antecedent to love, it must be considered as co-eval 
with it from the more reliable point of view of 
psychology. 

Race Hatred. When we have an opportunity to 
observe the manners and habits of a stranger we 
usually form an opinion regarding his character, 
and after a closer acquaintance with his personality 
we may find it more repellent than attractive. This 
will certainly happen if he belongs to another race, 
for we cannot sympathize with those characteristics 
which are not developed in our own personality. 

Thus it happens that antipathetic sentiments 
which separate us from individuals of another race 
may determine our disposition toward the entire 
race, and this is the feeling which engenders race- 
hatred. But it only does so when our personal wel- 
fare is directly involved; as when we in any way 
become dependent on a person whom we do not 
like or cannot sympathize with; and between dif- 

*Love and hate are fostered by innate dissimilarities in the 
personal character which are more developed in the Western 
than in the Oriental character. But sympathy is an equally 
cogent factor, and neither hate nor love can prevail where the 
sympathetic faculty is but little developed. 



82 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

ferent races this can only happen when they come 
in social contact with each other and become con- 
junctively involved in industrial and economic af- 
fairs — for no more knowledge of other people's char- 
acter and ideals can excite hatred to them. 

The racial antipathy develops readily into hatred 
when a great number of an alien race have settled 
among the natives and have formed communities or 
are segregated in groups where they may preserve 
their racial habits and language. But they must 
necessarily participate in the common commercial 
and industrial life of the country wherein they 
dwell and make their living, and by this unavoid- 
ably become involved in rivalry and competition 
with the native population, and especially with the 
working class. Under these conditions the race- 
hatred may become greatly excited, and in con- 
junction with the elemental temper of self-preserva- 
tion it becomes quite irresistible, and finds expres- 
sion and relief in a fierce antagonism. 

Thus hatred is overmastered by a more virulent 
emotion which demands the utter destruction of 
the hated rivals, and in that respect it differs from 
pure hate which only desires it. The excesses of a 
race war — like mob-violence in general — often be- 
come exceedingly cruel, because a strong emotion is 
greatly increased and intensified by the sympathetic 
interaction of aggregated individuals. 

While a friendly disposition toward an alien race 
may occasionally find expression among the more 
prosperous citizens and others who, for various rea- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 83 

sons, are exempt from competition with them, it is 
in the large laboring class that the aliens find their 
most uncompromising adversaries : the mere increase 
in their number will increase the animosity of the 
natives against them, and they are always hated 
most by those who have felt the disadvantage of 
competing with the more frugal and easier satisfied 
workers of an alien race, who have not learned to 
appreciate the comforts and luxuries which have be- 
come necessities at a more advanced stage of civi- 
lization. 

The United States of America is inhabited by va- 
rious races, which have settled in groups and com- 
munities in different parts of the country, where they 
preserve their racial characteristics. Under these 
conditions the true character of race-hatred may 
be observed, and it often develops into a malignant 
antagonism. It is characteristic of racial antipathy 
that it prevents intermarriage between the races, 
while a difference in nationality has but little effect 
on the sexual relationship. 

Jealousy and hatred are often smoldering in the 
national sentiment toward some other nation, and 
this makes it easy to start a war between them; 
but it requires some special provocation to start it, 
for otherwise the fear of the consequences of war 
would prevent either party from making the first 
step. After the weaker nation has been forced to 
accept the terms of the stronger one it is not ex- 
posed to another attack, and where there is no fear 
the most powerful incentive to hate has disappeared. 



84 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

National hatred is therefore always abated after a 
war, though reminders of the cruelties of war may 
keep a rancorous feeling alive for many years after. 
For the same reason a powerful nation cannot hate a 
weaker one; but the egotism in nationalism is re- 
vealed when a weaker nation is reviled or blamed for 
making armed resistance against the aggression of 
a superior power. 

History shows that a difference in religious faiths 
often has been the cause of a malicious hatred of 
adjoining nations and has occasioned many relent- 
less wars. For instance, the holy wars of the Mo- 
hammedans in the seventh and eighth centuries ; the 
wars of the Crusaders from the eleventh to the thir- 
teenth century; the wars of Charlemagne in the 
eighth and ninth century and the thirty-years war in 
the seventeenth century. In the medieval ages the 
religious faith had become a matter of prime im- 
portance to the people and as dear to them as Ufe 
itself; such ideals have lost much of their vitality 
in later centuries, but a common provocation to in- 
ternational wars may still be found in the vitality 
of national ideals. For though nations do not go 
to war to protect their ideals, there is but little prob- 
ability of a war between nations whose religious and 
political ideals are essentially alike ; but the opposi- 
tion of ideals appears most distinctly between the 
various races — as between the Arian and Semitic 
races, the Mongolian and Caucasian races and the 
Teutonic, Gallic and Anglo-Saxon races. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 85 

Hatred to the Jews. Wherever Jews have settled 
in great numbers a very general hatred of this race 
is observable. It often assumes a harsh or vicious 
character and may then lead to concerted assaults 
on the crowded Jewish settlements with indiscrimi- 
nate slaughter of men, women, and children. Rec- 
ords of such outrages may be found in the history 
of all ages since the time of the Jewish dispersion, 
and in some countries, even in latter days, they are 
not uncommon. 

The reUgion of the Jews and a tenacious adher- 
ance to their traditional habits and customs sepa- 
rate them from the nationality of the country where 
they live; but everywhere may be found sects and 
societies which in religious and social customs 4il:^ 
fer from the common people of the country and 
which excite no hatred or antipathy toward them. 
The hatred to the Jews must, therefore, originate in 
a more deeply rooted feeling. It may be explained 
as race hatred, but this in itself explains nothing 
if its true character is not fully understood. 

A close observer will find in the activities and dis- 
position of the Jews generally marks of a persistent 
race character, and its permanency is attested in 
the history of the race and is shown implicitly in 
all the stories of the Old Testament. The following 
characteristics appear prominently there : abstinence 
and plain living, a religious adherence to old laws 
and customs; a pious mind; a peaceful disposition 
and a sedulous attention to business. In moral and 
ethical conceptions they show greater uniformity 



86 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

and constancy than the Arians generally, and they 
are less emotional. Cheating and deceiving are 
viewed by the Jews as stealing, but their conception 
of honesty is narrower and less altruistic. They are 
great opportunists and feel quite justified in and are 
ready to take profits without regard to conventional 
or moral restrictions; and this excites a popular 
hatred to them without regard to the sympathetic 
elements in their character. 

In all trading and bargaining it is absolutely nec- 
essary to pay strict and exclusive attention to one's 
own advantage or gain; for apart from selfishness, 
it is the only safe rule, and as the majority of Jews 
are engaged in trading, it may have had a deleterious 
effect on their character. But it may also be gath- 
ered from their history that the Jewish sense of 
righteousness or honesty does not agree in all points 
with that of Christian ethics. However, conscien- 
tious loyalty in the performance of commercial and 
financial obligations is characteristic of the Jewish 
business ethics. 

In their business activity the Jews find that full- 
ness of life which makes it worth living, and it is their 
natural aptitude for business which makes it pos- 
sible. There are also many Christians whose inter- 
est in life is centered in their business, but they have 
also many ideal conceptions which are lacking in 
the Jewish mind. Their want of imagination makes 
the Jews well fitted for business and practical af- 
fairs, in so far as it saves them from the many errors 
and deceptions of a more imaginative mind; and it 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 87 

is mainly for this reason that Jews of all times have 
been more successful in the acquisition of wealth 
than the Christians generally. But the Jews are also 
distinguished by a natural intelligence, more com- 
mon than in other races, and it has contributed 
greatly to their commercial successes. As a rule 
they do not show adaptiveness for extensive busi- 
ness operations, and they engage mostly in enter- 
prises based on long-established precedent, but per- 
sonally and with a single partner they succeed bet- 
ter than other races. It cannot be said of a Jew 
that he is a shrewd business man ; but a clear under- 
standing of business principles is of more conse- 
quence in all honest trading than refined cleverness 
or smartness, and the vulgar distrust of the Jews 
is caused by the suspiciousness of the working class 
toward all traders. Trading, the exchange of com- 
modities, is a fundamental necessity in human so- 
ciety. It has become the almost universal means 
of human intercourse, and no social progress is pos- 
sible without it. The Jews can find a congenial oc- 
cupation wherever commercial trading has super- 
seded the primitive barter, and they can make a 
living of it almost in any part of the world; which 
in itself may account for the wide distribution of 
the race. 

A sentiment of solidarity or "brotherhood" is char- 
acteristic of the Hebrew race. Wherever they have 
settled in any number they have established syna- 
gogues, schools and charitable institutions in their 
own community, and there are many Hebrew asso- 



88 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

ciations in every large city. By such means their 
settlements have become, to some extent, auton- 
omous. While this may have many social advantages 
it also tends to separate them from the nationality 
of the country where they live, and under such 
conditions any national sympathy can hardly be 
expected. 

When the sentiments and emotions of the com- 
mon people are affected by fixed religious beliefs 
and dogmas an aversion to the religion of the Jews 
may greatly increase the hatred to them; but it 
would not vanish if all the Jews were Christianized; 
which is evidenced by the fact that it remains in 
those countries where religion has lost its power 
and its significance for the majority of the common 
people. 

The persistent hatred to the Jews must be at- 
tributed to a difference in ethical ideals which have 
become fixed in the subconscious mind of the Chris- 
tianized nations, and which have a directive effect 
on their thoughts and aspirations, without regard to 
religious ideas and sentiments. In the Arian race 
a freer spiritual tendency, independent of material 
advantages, is leading to freer and continued prog- 
ress, and the hope of better conditions, both ma- 
terial and spiritual, is a necessity for them. If their 
higher ideals should become stunted or ineffective 
in competition with the materialistic and less in- 
spiring Hebrew ideals the progression of human 
life would cease, and would eventually settle at the 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 89 

level of Hebrew ideals. But there is nothing more 
intolerable for human beings than a regression 
to a lower level of life ; for human life consists only 
in progress, and retrogression means death. The 
peoples of the Arian race have an instinctive pre- 
monition of this and a vague apprehension of what 
would happen if the Jews became dominant in the 
practical affairs of life, and therein lies a deeper in- 
centive to the common hatred to the race — ^which 
also is shown in the common aversion to social con- 
nection with it. 

When a nation is involved in war the hatred to 
the Jews may become very keen, because at such 
time the public attention is directed to the absence 
of patriotic fervor among the Jews, and its effect on 
the patriotic spirit of the Arian population in con- 
junction with the persistent race hatred may lead 
to a malicious antagonism, which often culminated 
in merciless pograms. As a sociologic phenomenon 
it is explained by the fact that one of the great Arian 
ideals is expressed in patriotism which is distinctly 
opposed to the non-patriotic (not unpatriotic) dis- 
position of the Jewish mind. 

A practical solution of this perplexing sociological 
problem would seem possible if the Jews were seg- 
regated as an independent nation, for then all hatred 
to them would disappear. But while this may ap- 
pear as a happy solution from a Christian point of 
view, it may not appear so to all Jews; for they do 
not hate the Christians, and they have nothing to 



90 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

lose in close association with them, and they can 
gain much material comfort in commercial inter- 
course and competition with them.^ 

*A complete and comprehensive elucidation of the psychology 
of the "Jewish Question" would require its presentation both from 
a Jewish and a Christian point of view, and conjunctively the two 
vievB would help to an impartial understanding of it. 



FRIENDSHIP AND FRIENDLINESS 

Friendship must be classed with the simple and 
primitive emotions, and it is certainly much older 
or earlier developed than Love and Hate. It is also 
less selfish than love; though the fact that inferior, 
impure or adulterated varieties of it may also be 
termed friendship makes the popular conception of 
it broader and less definite than that of love and 
hate. However, friendship does not mean merely a 
friendly relation to some person, not any more than 
love means a sympathetic relationship, nor does it 
imply an ideal conception of some impossible rela- 
tion between human beings, for pure and perfect 
friendship is not impossible though it may be of 
little avail to seek it among men and women gener- 
ally, or in human life under prevailing social condi- 
tions. 

In a psychological investigation it is of no moment 
whether pure friendship (or any other emotion) ap- 
pears as a distinct "emotion" under the prevailing 
conditions of human life; for when the nature and 
true character of an emotion is clearly represented 
by an ideal conception of it its peculiar influence 
and effect in combination with other emotions or 
any sentiment may readily be discerned, and it is 
only in combinations with other emotions that any 

91 



92 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

simple emotion can become an efficient factor in the 
practical affairs of human life. 

Mental and temperamental similarity is a neces- 
sary condition of friendship in the same sense as 
dissimilarity is a fundamental requirement of love. 
Not equality in the mental faculties and powers but 
a correspondence in the deeper affections and pro- 
pensities. 

Why do we value friendship so highly? Why do 
we grieve by losing it? Why do we appreciate, cul- 
tivate and enjoy it? What do we gain by it? Why 
do we become attached to a friend? Or briefly: 
What is the specific character of the selfish element 
in friendship? 

It is not company we desire, for we may associate 
with various persons and enjoj'" their company in a 
social way without being attached to them as friends, 
and to answer the last and essential question prop- 
erly will require a somewhat subtle analysis of the 
primitive sympathetic craving in the nature of man. 
It is primarily revealed in the satisfaction we feel 
in observing the good qualities of our own person- 
ality in the personality of another person, for as con- 
stituent parts of our own self we cannot observe them 
and appreciate them. But when we find them in the 
personality of a friend we have an opportunity to 
observe and appreciate them; and thus the better 
part of our own nature — the "human" part — gains 
an opportunity to expand outside its individual lim- 
its. We feel an agreeable or joyous exultation in 
this personal expansion, and the emotion of friend- 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 93 

ship is inspired by this feeling and a desire to main- 
tain it unimpaired. 

But considering friendship in this light it must 
be admitted that it is of a lower order than love, 
for it does not, like this emotion, become effective 
in the development and improvement of the per- 
sonal character — though it may serve to preserve 
and mature it. 

Friendship betokens a mild emotion, and many 
combinations with other emotions is possible. In 
all such combinations it retains its true character 
but suffers various modifications in respect of inten- 
sity, purity and constancy. Love supplants it, and 
hate and repugnance displaces it, but enmity ex- 
cludes it unconditionally. Jealousy overshadows it. 
Pity intensifies it, but envy weakens it. Fear and 
Admiration subdues it, but Grief, Mortification and 
Anger purifies it, and Remorse rejuvenates it. Joy 
vitalizes it. Pride removes it and Generosity sur- 
mounts it. Duty supersedes it, but Insincerity de- 
stroys it and Disloyalty impairs it. 

Friendship may develop into love and love may 
degenerate into friendship, but they cannot exist 
as coordinated emotions, much less as complemen- 
tary parts in a mixed emotion. This will appear 
self-evident from the analysis and definitions here 
presented and in the first chapter on love. But some 
writers seem to have no clear conception of the 
fundamental difference in their nature, for they 
make use of the words "Love" and "Friendship" in- 
discriminately, as if they represented two phases or 



94 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

varieties of the same emotion. The use of the two 
words offers in itself evidence of two independent 
conceptions, but such writers seem not to recognize 
this simple fact, or prefer to ignore it. 

Perhaps a fuller conception of Friendship may be 
had by comparing it with Love and noting their dif- 
ferent effects and characteristics : A constant friend- 
ship between a man and a woman is possible but 
rare, while Love is far more general between men 
and women. Mutual dependence is a necessary con- 
dition of personal love, while any feeling of depend- 
ency is inimical to friendship, and an assumed or 
imposed obligation becomes a serious obstacle to it. 
Love is only satisfied by a complete union, while 
friends, as a rule, have no desire for cohabitation; 
and they cultivate their friendship more safely by 
occasional attention to and discussion of their com- 
mon interests and sympathies. Love is active, rest- 
less, insinuating, desirous, but friendship is restful, 
satisfying, gratifying, content. Some disagreement 
is unavoidable in the connubial union, and harmon- 
ious peace cannot endure there without the exer- 
cise of some forbearance and resignation; but in 
friendship there is rarely occasion for any dissen- 
sion, and forbearance is but seldom needed in the 
intercourse of friends. 

Friendship may, however, be considered from a 
somewhat different point of view, and it may be 
quite reasonable to do so; for in the great majority 
of cases it does not appear so pure and perfect as 
here assumed, and in its popular aspect it does not 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 95 

present the distinct character of an emotion, but 
rather that of a sentiment or disposition, and this 
conception of it may be more correctly expressed in 
the following observations: — Love is never quite 
satisfied but is sustained by incessant motion, while 
friendship is quiet and unaffected by desire. Friend- 
ship may be renewed or revived by attention or 
service, but lost love cannot be restored by such 
means. — A loan of money or property to a friend 
will produce a feeling of obligation, and if the lender 
does not make a special effort to eliminate this 
feeling it will certainly tend to weaken the bond of 
friendship; but a loan to the beloved one will 
strengthen the bond of love, and it may be canceled 
or repaid by love. — One may be grateful to a friend 
for service rendered, but there is no gratefulness in 
love. One may help a friend but two lovers help 
each other. There are many degrees of friendship, 
but there is no gradation in love. One may enjoy 
friendship, but there is no pleasure in love. One 
may admire a friend, but there is no admiration in 
love. Friendship is less intense than love, and, as a 
rule, he who has many friends is more liberal and has 
a more adaptable personality than he who has only 
one; and this makes his Ufe and activity in social 
affairs of more consequence. 

Although ideal friendship would be quite inde- 
pendent of social relations and positions it cannot 
assume this exalted character under prevailing social 
conditions, for the sympathy of friendship is not ab- 
solutely personal. It has some regard to the social 



96 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

position or the occupation of its object; which be- 
comes evident when we consider the possibility of 
intimate friendship between persons in different 
social positions or occupations. It would be a rare 
exception, if not quite impossible between the King 
and a plain citizen ; an officer of the army and a hos- 
pital attendant or a butler; a bank president and 
a farm hand; a school teacher and a horse dealer; 
a missionary and a stock broker ; a college professor 
and a 'longshoreman; a shop girl and a society 
woman; and thus it appears that the absolute sub- 
jectivity of love is not so characteristic or cogent in 
friendship; and the reason for this appears plainly 
when the fundamental conditions of friendship are 
considered. 

Although friendship is inspired by the good and 
moral qualities, which are superior to those which 
find expression in the lower or selfish emotions, it is 
not affected by moral impulses and is otherwise 
quite independent of morality. But it is concerned 
with those qualities which make individual man an 
efficient member of organized human society, and 
which becomes possible only by its separation in 
classes or social strata. But the personality of in- 
dividuals on different levels of the social structure is 
to a great extent shaped or modified by their social 
position or occupation, and friendship requires 
above all an essential similarity in personality. 

As friendship is primarily based on predominant 
qualities in one's own mental constitution it follows 
that when other qualities or sentiments become the 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 97 

ruling ones there a friendly relationship cannot 
be maintained unless a corresponding change has 
taken place in the sentiments of the other party 
which would be a very improbable case; and any 
change in the sentiments of one of the friends would 
impair the friendly feelings of the other party. But 
this is what may and often does happen when 
friendship is formed before the mind has been fully 
developed, or if affected by exterior conditions of 
consequence to one's personal welfare. And thus the 
much bewailed transitoriness of friendship may be 
accounted for and justified. 

There is one condition, prevalent in human 
affairs, which must exclude friendship absolutely, 
even when all its fundamental conditions are pres- 
ent. All the various aspects of this condition are 
collectively represented in the term "competition," 
but more specifically in "rivalry" and "emulation." 
Consider how impossible friendship would be in a 
case where two persons are courting the same 
woman, or between those who strive for some 
coveted or social position, or between merchants or 
traders dealing in the same commodities and cater- 
ing to the same customers. The sentiments pro- 
voked under these conditions are inimical to friend- 
ship and will prevail in a contest with it ; for friend- 
ship implies a mild emotion which cannot prevail 
against the innate temper of self-preservation and 
emulation, which is always strong and passionate. 
The same may be said of all sympathetic emotions 
except love, which often has shown its power to 



98 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 

overcome the primitive self-preserving impulse and 
its emulous offspring. 

Jealousy is a strongly selfish emotion, and we are 
jealous of our friendship, and by thus perceiving a 
selfish element in friendship its emotional nature is 
disclosed; for selfishness is a necessary and char- 
acteristic element in all the stronger emotions (and 
in a less degree in the mild ones), and they always 
appear at a conjunction and interaction between the 
selfish and the social or sympathetic mind. 

Friendlmess. True friendship is emotional and 
implies an "emotion," but friendliness is a sentiment 
or a disposition and is quite unemotional (as all 
sentiments are).^ Its moral character and univer- 
sality make it of great consequence in the develop- 
ment of social relationship, and it is an efficient 
factor and invaluable aid in the maintenance and 
improvement of commercial and political relations. 
Acting as a softening and liberating agent on the 
cautious reserve of strangers, and by inspiring con- 
fidence and good will, it helps to promote both pri- 
vate and social intercourse and mutual interests. 
Every business-man has a keen perception of its 
practical value; and who would understand this bet- 
ter than /le who constantly comes in commercial 

*When we do not think of the beloved one or our enemy we 
neither Jtove nor hate them, nor do we feel any friendship when 
we do not pay any attention to it, but we are seized by an emo- 
tion as soon as we commence to think of the beloved one, our 
friend or our enemy. 



LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 99 

contact with men and women in various social posi- 
tions and very different personalities? 

But considering friendship and friendliness from 
the viewpoint of rational psychology there is no 
vital connection between them discernible, and no 
similarity, except in their names, which is easily 
explained by a certain similarity to friendship in the 
attitude of friendly persons. But a radical differ- 
ence may be discovered in the fact that friendliness, 
or even the attitude of friendhness, would appear 
absurd or offensive, in the intimacy of true friends. 



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